Hugs for everyone, and I hope you sleep well!
Tracking things under the cut.
One near panic-attack, more laundry done, some work done on getting all my fic uploaded to off-site back up (and updating the massive story chart of doom to go with it so I can find everything and have the important information where I can find it), food eaten.
Am going to trap that fucking ground hog and have it removed by animal control to somewhere far, far away from here. No more parsley for you, you little bastard. Or strawberries, for that matter.
Actually, I’ve given up on fresh strawberries from the garden this year – I’ll put up mesh for next year, enough to keep the critters out and let insects in to do the pollination thing.
And my plans to go to Seattle in September have been moved to the spring, because this is not the first bout of brain weasels that’s been more than I’ve expected this summer, and I need to not exacerbate things by drastically cutting my sunlight over the winter.
*makes a face*
But. I need to be mindful of myself, and I need to take care of myself, and not do more than I can handle doing. Which means waiting on Seattle. And it means that this fall I get to take dad with me to go argue with bureaucrats about health things, and then I get to make sure any doctor’s appointments are such that I can take someone with to be the backup against doctors being assholes.
*takes a deep breath* I can do this. I can.
And part of doing this tracking of things on the last post of the night is because then I have a record, and I can use that along with other bits of record keeping I’ve managed to go “here, I have a pattern, I have records”. They might not go back as far as I’d like, because of brain things that never have had a proper diagnosis or anything, but. I have them, and I can point at other things, and I can use all of that to push back at any doctor who tries to tell me that no, it’s just I’m not trying hard enough, it’s I’m fat, it’s I’m “merely” depressed.
Because while I’m not entirely certain what’s causing the problems, I have some clear ideas and potential culprits, and at this point I need information I can’t get without access to professionals in order to pin down what actually are the issues.
And there are some which I’m firmly certain of. ADHD. Arthritis – probably rheumatoid. Allergies. Migraines.
On top of those, probably fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety. Something fucked up with my ovaries (PMDD is likely, PCOS is possible).
And adding before an earlier-than-this-is-queued bedtime:
That was also more exhausting an emotional ride than I expected. Imma go pass out early.
There's a Mirror on the Wall 