Tag: anxiety

Put Yourself In the Story

morgynleri:

For those who said they’d read, and offered encouraging words.

@norcumi @theotherguysride @peachesandscream56 @nyxserpent @kediil-eperu @booksaresacredspew

Untitled

Part 1 | Part 2 | more to come?

Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
AU: NOS
Word Count: 3506
Characters: Me, Odo, Julian Bashir

Content Notes: There are parts of this that aren’t written from my POV, but anything where I am present is. This is a me who is unmedicated, at the end of a long, stressful day, at a point where my hormones are fucking with my brain chemistry. (See the end for more notes, as I didn’t want to get very long-winded here.)

Just a fan, taking a step from one world to another, and having a very hard time coping with that.

This is not where I was a moment before. A step before. I feel a little lighter, though the unwanted desire to fling flaming rocks at the planet still eats at the back of my mind. It’s also a little brighter here, even with ambient lights turned low. They’re not as dim as starlight.

I recognize where I am, though it can’t be real. It can’t be real, cannot be what I think it is, just an unexpected break with reality. A hallucination, though I’ve never had any this immersive before, and have no idea what could have caused it.

I turn in place, looking all around me, trying to find some break in the illusion, something I can use to break free of this. It still looks as real and solid and perfect as it had before. The walkways above, the great oval windows that looked out on blackness scattered with stars, the Replimat and Quark’s, the security office, the directory now behind me.

Keep reading

Reblogging because I’m going to post the third part shortly.

armeleia:

Reminders for the Anxious/Depressed Creatives

  • You’re more than what you make.
  • Your productivity does not determine your value.
  • It’s okay to do nothing sometimes.
  • Not everything you do has to result in a product.
  • Not everything you make has to be important, significant, or even good.
  • You can make things just for yourself.
  • You can keep secrets for yourself, whether it’s not posting some of your projects or not sharing your techniques.
  • You’re allowed to say no.
  • You’re allowed to rest.

Just as a heads up to people – I’m doing another pass through my follows this evening to unfollow people I’d missed in the last pass that I tend to mute and/or tend to end up with a bunch of blocked posts on my dashboard w/my blacklist.

This is not a value judgement of anyone, but doing things to cope with the anxiety brain weasel that’s been very, very loud since about April.

Edit: 111 to 83, and there are still probably another twenty or so that the guilt over unfollowing people is being louder than the need to reduce input to manageable levels at the moment. Both of which are anxiety brain weasel related. Which means there will be another run through the follows before the end of the year.

Take Photos of Stove Dials Before You Leave for Vacation

thegirlinthebyakko:

ntro9:

bessiesbrainblog:

…before leaving the house, take a photo of your stove and oven dials—or your thermostat, or your iron, or anything else you worry about accidentally leaving on. If your brain starts to play the “Did I really turn it off” game, you can simply tap your photo app and see for yourself

Reblogging to save a life

this is a good strategy

Take Photos of Stove Dials Before You Leave for Vacation

A Way to Give Feedback/Comment on fic on AO3

birdsquirrel
replied to your post “My favorite thing about being bluntly honest is the boggled…”

for me, i’ve found that it helps to reply with a gif. html img tags work in ao3’s comments, and i can usually find a good gif on giphy. for some reason, this is much less stressful for me.

That could be useful if I had a set of gifs that I could use as a base set, possibly. And it could be useful for other people too, hence why making my reply a post.

Reaction gifs are something that I’m still feeling my way through, and not entirely sure of, and I suspect part of my issue is that my intrusive thoughts tend to be in images that loop and move Wrong. And so gifs, especially anything that’s short, often tend to evoke that same feeling of something not mine intruding into my thoughts. Not all of them, and not all the time, just. Enough of them and often enough that I am still trying to find ones that work well for me.

Thank you for the suggestion, though! It is an excellent idea, and if this works for other people, that’s awesome, go forth and comment with gifs!

My favorite thing about being bluntly honest is the boggled expressions on people’s faces when I tell them that no, really, they’re fucking awesome. That they have made a fantastic thing, and they should be proud of it. (Ok, my absolute favorite of those is mom’s one weaving apprentice boggling whenever I tell her that yes, someone bought another piece of her weaving, and she has store credit to spend, or maybe this time she’ll take cash or a check?)

And my least favorite part about the anxiety brain weasel is how often it stops me from getting that out when it comes to commenting on fic. I’m getting better about telling the brain weasel to fuck off, and managing to comment, but there are still too many times when no matter how much I try, I can’t manage to put even a keyboard smash to screen and hit send.

Bedtime, 19 June 17

Either my sleep window is shifting again, or I’m struggling more than I think I am. And I suspect it’s more likely the latter than the former, because good days when I am engaged with things, I stay up later. And regardless of when I’m to bed, my wake up time is remaining fairly consistent.

I have a thing that I would love to be able to do. That I have discussed with more than one person as a dear dream. That the latest discussion has involved actual looking at potential costs and places and planning. It is a thing that would make it so much easier for more than one person to keep from going under. And I am at an utter loss on where to actually start, and more, absolutely terrified of asking for help to maybe make it real. Even though I know I’m not the only person who thinks the idea is fucking fantastic.

And yes, I’m being vague. See also, terrified.

I should probably write up something for it, though I don’t think I will have the ability to post that more specific stuff to tumblr at first. But maybe, maybe, if I start with a post that is locked to a much smaller subset of people, I can get myself to start trying to put things together. Because terrifying as asking for help might be, the idea of the thing is just.

I want to be able to be a person again. To not end up struggling like this with no one around to reach out to (without using a computer or a phone or having to travel several hours), and with no other way to cope with it but sleep.

No, I am not alright. I don’t know if I will ever be. But I want the chance to be. And I’m not going to have it staying in the holding pattern my life seems to be right now.