A note on the topic of trauma that I personally found helpful in accepting the idea that I am a trauma victim is that one of the most widely accepted facts in the field of trauma research is that abuse is often not the common factor in whether somebody will develop ptsd.
Many people can go through awful things without developing trauma based disorders as long as they receive compassion and support in processing those events as they happen. The most common factor in developing something like ptsd is emotional neglect. And emotional neglect on it’s own can be enough.
Whatever you went through was enough I promise, you’re not overreacting. Abuse and neglect are traumatic at any level, you don’t need to have gone through the worst possible experience you can think of to develop ptsd. If it hurt you then it hurt you.
…..oh.
And to support that, the number one determining factor on how badly something affects a person is how they’re treated afterward, not how objectively bad the event was. They’re called resiliency factors.
It looks like this:
Horrible brutal traumatic event + Family and community support + legal amelioration + closure and therapy and help
ONE MILLION TIMES MORE LIKELY TO RECOVER THAN
Event that the sufferer may think “seems minor” compared to what others have been through + Family neglect and abuse (you deserved it, name calling, support the abuser) + no legal means + denial and stifling and no therapeutic support
I have been raped, I have been abused by someone who was supposed to be family to me, and I have recovered and gotten my life back together. I have psychiatrists, psychologists, best friends, lovers, and family who support me. I did not get legal justice, but I got the person(s) out of my life.
My friend was repeatedly verbally abused by his step-parent, and when he was abused and hurt by others he was blamed for it by that parent. He had no support and no one to talk to about it for over 10 years.
He still feels guilty for even being affected by it and I’ve had long talks with him about how it isn’t “nothing compared to” what I went through.
You are not wrong to be upset. You are not wrong to feel the effects of trauma. Your hurt cannot be measured against anyone else’s. Your resiliency is your own and your situation is valid to you. Perception is everything. The worst thing that ever happened to you might ostensibly be less bad than the worst thing that ever happened to me – but it still is what happened to YOU.
Trauma is so predictable that we can make tidy little equations out of it. The ones above are good, but the ones I’ve seen are a little simpler. Something like:
The bill was brought forward after the events of Hurricane Katrina. Before and during Katrina, there were no evacuation measures for pets set in place when natural disasters occurred in the United States. None. At all. Because of that, it’s estimated that about 70,000 pets were left behind. It’s believed that 15,000 of them were killed.
Images of families leaving their pets behind made international news. One in particular showed a young boy being torn away from his beloved dog, Snowball. Aftermath pictures showed dogs stranded on car roofs and cats swimming to get to safety. The loss and horror was so high, lawmakers decided that evacuation efforts for pets, as well as people, were necessary during future events.
What Does The PETS Act Do?
The Pets Evacuation and Transportation Standards Act allowed the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to create guidelines for state and local emergency services to use in regards to pets and families with pets during natural disasters. If states wanted FEMA funding, they needed to create emergency plans that:
Allows pets to stay in state or federally funded shelters during natural disasters.
Allows rescue operations specifically to save household pets and service animals.
States that included pet rescue and relief efforts in their emergency planning would continue to get FEMA support. Community shelters that allow animals can even be reimbursed for their care later on.
Why Does The PETS Act Not Apply To Hotels/Motels?
The PETS Act only applies to government agencies.
Hotels and motels are not government or state run entities. They are exempt from the law and are not required to shelter animals during natural disasters. It is not illegal for them to turn away pets if it is against hotel policy.
Some families may choose to leave their pets in the car and stay into the hotel themselves. Others may lie and then sneak their animals in anyway. Others, still, may leave and try to find more accommodating shelter somewhere else. Either way, this is added stress to an already stressful situation. And it can be dangerous.
During times like this, proper safety and shelter information is a must. You should always double-check everything before you reblog it when lives are on the line. You don’t know who’s reading it. You don’t know who will believe it. You don’t know what that misinformation will cost someone.
It is okay to whine.
It is okay to acknowledge that your situation sucks and that it’s unfair.
It is okay to throw yourself a pity party.
It is okay to be pissed off about the things you go through.
You don’t have to grin and bear it.
You don’t have to suffer in silence.
You have a right to talk about your struggles and no one has a right to shame you for that.
Do what you need to do to get through the day/flare/episode/life.
Your pain is legitimate and you are under no obligation to hide it.
The Perfect Explanation of Privilege – In One Powerful Punchline
“The Pencilsword” is a comic strip by Toby Morris, an illustrator from New Zealand. His most recent comic, “On a Plate” hits hard at the heart of the issues of concerning wealth and privilege.
How many times have you heard the “I’ve never been handed anything on a platter” argument in regard to social security and other social benefits?
Toby wrecks this argument by showing how two children can grow up, be loved and supported, and yet still have two very different outcomes.
Make sure to follow all the way to the end for the powerful punchline. This comic is an increasingly sad reality for far too many of this nation’s children and families.
Reblogged from the source since someone deleted the text at the bottom.
Yes I am Native American, but I don’t look it. And no it’s not one of those my great grandmother was Cherokee. I am 2nd generation off the rez Tuscarora, Iroquois Turtle Clan.
This is me and my mother. Yes she is my birth mother, I just got very fucked over in the genes department. I swear I’m adopted but we have many photos of the birth and have several paternity and maternity tests to prove that I fell out of this woman’s vagina.
Here are some more pictures cause I’m pale and I honestly don’t think you believe me:
(My mom actually made every piece of jewelry I am wearing and hand beaded that vest as well).
And here’s pictures of the woman that I blame for my bad genes: My grandmother.
I get told I look like her all the time AND I HONESTLY DO NOT SEE IT, but because I get told I look like her all the time I BLAME HER.
And in case you doubted me, here are a few pictures of me when my ma and I were on the powwow circuit.
This is me with my ma’s regalia (if you call it a costume I will shank you) because a) she had a bad leg day and couldn’t dance and b) mine was not ready and made and I JUST REALLY WANTED TO DANCE. (This is also the day I got burnt ON MY FUCKING HAIRLINE WHERE MY HAIR WAS PARTED. THAT FUCKING HURTS!)
Here’s me in my fancy dance shawl. There aren’t that many pictures of me because a) I fucking hated them b) it’s normally seen as disrespectful to take pictures of dancers out of the circle without their permission and my ma and I were always dancing at the same times AND I NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE MY PICTURE AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE.
So yes, my family is a very rainbow family, I just happen to be the one WHITE passing one. No really…
Here’s me (in the middle if you can’t guess), Bebe and Audree. I like to call this the ABC Rainbow of the Printup family (because my first name is Cheyenne…..I swear our parents DID NOT PLAN THIS).
And this is another pic of me and Audree YEARS later
Am I Native? Yes
Do I look traditionally Native? No
Does that mean I am not going to label myself as native? HELL TO THE FUCK NO.
Please reblog and share so that people can understand that there are white passing people of color. Yes even some that pass as white as me. We do exist and no that does not give you the right to basically white wash us. I am proud of my native roots and I will share everything and anything you want to know. The more educational resources we can get out there the better. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SHOOT ME AN ASK. I LOVE IT, but please do not be a dick like this one and phrase it so accusingly. Much appreciated, thank you!
This post is important. Please understand that white-passing natives are still natives and that their paleness can come from their genes and have no relation to percentage of native blood. An example of this I like to use is when twins come out and one is dark-skinned and the other one light skinned. Is one more of a native than the other? No.
I say this every time I argue for raising the minimum wage. I never hear anyone else say it and I’m glad I found this.
If you build your business and your bonus on the backs of others who you don’t pay a living wage you don’t deserve to be in business.
this is making capitalists bleed from the ears keep reblogging it
Since I tend to get into this with people who argue that robots will replace minimum wage workers if they get too expensive, I like to lean into the robot metaphor.
If you have a machine performing a valuable talk for your company, the upkeep of that machine is part of your operating cost. You have to pay to power it, to upgrade it, to fix it when it breaks. And if you can’t afford the machine, the manufacturer doesn’t have to do business with you. They’re free to take their service somewhere else where they think the price is fair.
For humans, a living wage is the operating cost. If you can’t afford to pay your worker enough to live nearby, feed themselves, and get basic health care – all of which are things they need in order to be able to work for you – you’re failing to pay for the cost of their service.
The difference is that humans have to eat, like, all the time, so they often don’t have the option of taking their business somewhere else if the price isn’t fair – even insufficient food and shelter is better then starving on the street. But that means those people are not really able to act as agents in a free market, and it’s easy to exploit them under the guise of “the market setting the price.” People can’t act like reasonable economic agents when they’re desperate. As for as I can tell, that’s the whole point of having a minimum wage.
Keep reblogging this, it’s making capitalists mad and reaching out to the working class
Long-term abuse can leave you with a deep-seated need to be hurt.
This isn’t exactly news; basically any expert will tell you the same. But I don’t think a lot of people who haven’t been through it really understand what it’s like. You’re used to being hurt on a regular basis, and any interruption to this pattern? Is dangerous. It’s a sign that things are about to take a turn for the worse – that they’re bottling shit up to explode eventually, or they’re playing some new game you don’t know how to navigate, or they’re withholding the little bit of affection that made the bad times survivable.
So when we finally escape, for a lot of us, there’s this creeping, ever-growing anxiety as we go longer and longer without getting hurt. Eventually, it’s screaming, drowning out any voice in our heads that says “No, this is okay, it’s safe.” A lot of us wind up pulling risky shit, deliberately getting into danger, to find some relief, any relief for that feeling.
But no matter what, it’s not gonna go away easily. Even if we find ourselves with healthy, caring, respectful, sensitive partners, there’s that anxiety-voice in the back of our brains going “If they’re not hurting you now, what are they planning? Do they even love you at all? Are they just using you?”
It needs managed and dealt with somehow.
Long-term abuse can leave you with a deep-seated need for control.
This isn’t exactly news; basically any expert will tell you the same. But I don’t think a lot of people who haven’t been through it really understand what it’s like. You’re used to control being taken away so you can be used and hurt without consequence, so anything that takes control? Is a threat. It’s a sign that pain is coming – maybe the person taking it was just being friendly until you got close enough to stab, or they were really just cozying up because you were useful, or they want an obedient little puppet instead of you.
So when we finally escape, for a lot of us, there’s this screaming terror response to anything that threatens to take control away from us. It can paralyze us, leave us unable to leave the house because this, this is an environment we can control, this is what safety feels like. A lot of us can slip into abusive patterns ourselves, as our overwhelming need for control makes us take it away from others.
But no matter what, it’s not gonna go away easily. Even if we find ourselves with healthy, caring, respectful, sensitive partners, there’s that anxiety-voice in the back of our brains going “They just made a decision involving both of you. This is how it starts. How long until you’re back in the cage?”
It needs managed and dealt with somehow.
Fortunately, there’s a convenient answer a lot of us can turn to – a way we can be hurt when we need to be hurt, have control when we need control, all under conditions we personally negotiated and accepted. The rules and boundaries are clear, and if it ever gets too much, hits too close to home, we can stop it immediately.
Is it really any surprise that kink is fucking full of abuse survivors?
And do you understand now why we’re so fucking pissed when you compare it to abuse?
There's a Mirror on the Wall 