lynati:

thegrimlich:

travelersballad:

capntony:

Iron Man 3dir. Shane Black
“Are you going completely mental?”

How do u fly into the vacuum of space and get swallowed by a space whale and have ur house blown up with u in it and almost drown and get shredded up by an aircraft propellor and still think u might not have ptsd

Denial is a hell of a drug.

If Tony admitted to having it then he’d have to do something about it, and doing something about it would interfere with all of his coping mechanisms for dealing with it. And Tony simply doesn’t have the time for a breakdown; not now, or any other day of the week. Maybe he can schedule one in for three years from next Tuesday…nope, that’s not a good time for it, either.

Also, facing his recent PTSD would probably involve, to some degree, facing the PTSD from his childhood, and I think he’d rather launch himself through another portal into outer space while carrying a thermonuclear device again than deal with the issues he has with his father / his father’s alcoholism.

berderline:

let’s talk about a ptsd thing that’s called sense of foreshortened future. i don’t see anyone ever talking about it here and i think that it’s important that people know that what they experience is nothing but another symptom of their mental illness.

So what is it?

Basically, sense of foreshortened future is a feeling or a belief that for some reason you won’t have a long and fullfilling life. You feel like you will die soon – or sooner than expected – and therefore you shouldn’t make any long-term plans. You try to avoid long-term relationships, you don’t have any career plans, reaching your birthday – hell, sometimes even managing to surivive the week surprises you. 

You feel like you’ll never have a normal life because you’re not only broken beyond repair but also can’t trust anyone anymore. It is an incredibly depressing feeling that makes you feel like there’s no point in… anything, really? Every activity becomes dull and pointless and you don’t know what drags you though life at this point.

I know it won;t make the feeling go away but I want you to know that this feeling is NOT a reflection of reality. You’re not broken beyond repair and you will have a normal happy life if you work on your recovery. making plans is not pointless. You deserve to be happy and you will be happy. Don’t let PTSD and its symptoms convince you otherwise.

Star Wars: As It All Burns: Watching all these angels fall

@lilyrose225writes @norcumi @queenkit

Because you know why I’m tagging you in porn. Without plot. Mostly.


Fandom: Star Wars
AU: As It All Burns
Word Count: 845
Characters: Cody | CC-2224, Ebra (OC)
Ships: Cody/Ebra

Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content

All Cody wants is to wipe the nightmare from his mind again, and keep it gone for a while.


The nightmare is always the same, full of the stench of blaster-burnt flesh. His finger on the trigger, firing into the unsuspecting back of his Jedi’s Padawan. Cutting down a girl only half again his age.

Waking up is a blessing, even if it’s with one hand over his mouth, and the other at his throat, sharp nails digging into soft flesh. Cody surges against the person holding him down, trying to throw them off, and they only move with him, and he feels invisible hands grab at his ankles and his wrists, clamping down hard to hold him in place. Reminding him where he is.

“No screaming.” It takes a moment to place the voice as Ebra’s, to remind himself where he is and stop fighting the invisible bonds. When she removes her hand from his mouth, he doesn’t scream, just lunges up to catch her in a harsh kiss that’s all sharp teeth and the taste of blood in his mouth.

The hand at his throat shifts, sliding around behind his neck, and Cody can feel Ebra’s nails digging into his skin. There are tender welts on his throat and his cheek, and he knows there will be more to find later. Right now, he doesn’t care. Just wants to wipe the nightmare out of his mind, and this is the only thing that’s proven effective for longer than the activity lasts.

“Still your scourge, is it?” Ebra uses her free hand to undo the pressure seals on his shirt, shoving it back over his shoulders while he nips at her throat, tasting clean sweat and the faint hint of soap.

Cody doesn’t answer in words, just forces his hands to undo the clasps of her jacket through the trembling. Untying the shirt beneath, and leaning in to press hungry kisses down the line of golden-brown skin revealed. All he wants right now is to immerse himself in the scent and taste and sound of the here-and-now, in the reminder that the Jedi are not fallen, that he will not murder any and all he meets.

He feels the quiet chuckle as much as hears it, and Ebra moves away enough to stand up, shedding shirt and jacket together. Bare to the waist, standing between his knees as he sits up on the bunk. Cody presses a kiss just above her navel, and another below, hands busy with the clasps on her trousers. Shoving them out of his way as he slides off the bunk to kneel at her feet.

Ebra hisses as he leans in closer, nose brushing over her clit. The heady smell of her fills his nostrils, and Cody presses an open-mouthed kiss to her clit. Listening to the sharp hisses and gasps that he elicits with tongue and teeth, at the hungry keening as he drives her higher. Letting the sounds of desire wipe everything else from his mind, until there’s nothing but the demands of desire.

Letting himself simply be, here and now, focused on his partner. Grinning against her stomach as she tugs at his hair, pulling him away from over-sensitive flesh after she’s shouted her satisfaction to the bare ceiling of their shared cabin.

“Get up.” Ebra drags him to his feet, dragging him with her until she’s on the edge of the tiny desk. Scrambling for the small bottle of lube, slicked and callused fingers wrapping around his hard flesh. Cody lets her guide him, lets her slide down on him, heat and slick. He nips once more at her throat, at collar and down to nipples, soothing abraded flesh with his tongue after.

Rolling his hips at her direction, deep and slow and stretching out the moment for as long as he will last. Hands at her hips, sliding back to knead at the soft flesh of her ass. Warmth and hunger, and he can feel the gentle press of her mind against his now, offering and sliding in when given glad invitation. Letting him feel the echo of his movements, feel her own hunger and building pleasure.

The feel of being penetrated in slow rolls of the hips, the faint burn of friction from hair against bare skin, against sensitized flesh. Teeth on her skin, and the thrill each nip sends down her spine. The delight at his own desire, his own pleasure, his delight in the feel of her hands on his back, the score of her nails along his back.

Building between them with each touch, each thrust, and Cody loses track of time, of everything but the movements between them. Knows only this moment until he feels it crest, buries himself deep as he presses his face into the hollow of Ebra’s shoulder. Letting himself go, and letting her take full control, to find her own release soon after he has his.

Nothing in his mind now but static and satisfied hunger, and Cody lets himself be directed to the fresher to clean up, and from there back to their shared bunk. Perhaps now he’ll sleep through the night cycle.

norcumi:

Mmkay. There’s this post floating around about Obi-Wan’s
characterization (link coming up in a minute). I want it on the
record that I am all for people characterizing fictional characters
however they want, on whatever criteria they have including “because
I was in the mood for it,” ‘cause going ‘there’s only one
true interpretation’ is totally a dick move.

Nonetheless this post has been slowly driving me bonkers so I’m
trying to do the polite thing and make my own post deconstructing it
rather than adding to theirs.

Hell, it starts off with “Please can someone explain to me why
there’s this fandom thing where Obi Wan is nothing but angst and
sads for 20 straight years on Tatooine?”

You betcha.

First off, OP is basing character assessment on the Myers–Briggs
Type Indicator. Look. I enjoy personality tests as much as the next
person, but that thing is just as useful to behavior prediction as a
Facebook quiz about which Disney Princess you are. Here’s a nice
convenient article
about why which a minimum of digging on Google
netted me. MBTI presents archtypes that are sometimes useful for
casual commentary, but that is not a diagnostic tool.

So let’s take a look at Obi-Wan, as we see in the movies (and
Clone Wars), just after Revenge of the Sith. We have a man who is
anywhere from 33 to 38 years old (depending on your version of
canon), who has spent the last three years overworking himself at the
heart of a hideous civil war that he was essentially drafted for, and
oh yes, his side lost. Not only did his side lose, but it got
massacred. Yoda was able to feel the death of the Jedi Order as it
was happening, do not tell me that Obi-Wan had no idea what was going
on too. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan was also dealing with the betrayal of his
closest friend (his brother), who tries to kill him. Meanwhile, said
brother does kill his wife (pregnant
wife) who is a close friend of Obi-Wan’s, right there in
front of him. All this leads to Obi-Wan doing the unthinkable:
mutilating and then killing his brother – or worse, not being able
to kill Anakin, leaving him in torment for another two decades.

There is so much PTSD fodder here, and that doesn’t even touch the
betrayals from the clones, nor the question of ‘did he feel the
psychic backlash from the chips kicking in and twisting the clones’
minds?’, nor the mental trauma from The Phantom Menace wherein he
was replaced, failed his teacher who died in his arms but only after
saying ‘that kid what replaced you, you need to train him now,’
and then 10 years of raising a kid when he was literally just
sorta-kinda-not-exactly declared an adult himself. He was not
prepared for that
.

So once Obi-Wan’s handed over Luke
(the last remaining link to his brother, who he is now not allowed
any contact with since Luke expresses he’s never really met Old
Ben) – that’s the first time he’s had to really stop and
breathe in over 13
years. Ten years to raise a responsibility he never asked for, was
not prepared to handle, and was a reminder of his greatest failure.
Three years of running at least a literal third of a galactic war
that was stacked against him (did he realize that by the end? That
they were being played, and could never have won?).

Yeah, he’s got 20 years to work at
recovering from that, but without a skilled therapist that I don’t
think you’re going to find on Tatooine, you’re going to be lucky
to be functional. I know that Star Wars as a whole doesn’t concern
itself with mental health (seriously, mind healers are becoming one
of my most cherished additions that Re-Entry brings to the table).
That doesn’t mean ignoring it will get you a good character assessment.

Depression and PTSD isn’t going to
make someone “a sad,
bitter, lonely man” nor
does it mean that one will metaphorically “be playing All By Myself
on repeat for 20 straight years while sobbing into a cup of Bantha
milk.” Depression expresses
itself in any number of ways. It can mute things, so that while you
laugh and even enjoy life, that joy doesn’t linger, or pales
quickly. It can add a haze to everything, so you feel numb and
distant. It can make someone who once expressed themselves
exuberantly seem calm instead of manic. It doesn’t have to affect
one’s wit, or habits of cracking jokes even if those jokes might
feel flat and hollow to the speaker.

Sometimes
it just leads to going through the motions of living, how one would
have approached things Before – but it’s just empty motions.

PTSD
can express itself as flashbacks. It can look like nothing until it
is
reactions to a different time and trauma instead of what is now and
present. It
can be a person haunted by their past, it can be explosive, it can be
quiet and turned inwards. There are days when it doesn’t hit you,
there are days when it’s so heavy on your shoulders that it feels
like all you can do is sit, stare at a wall, and hope your brain
shuts off. Then there are the days when despite that weight, you
still need to go get groceries, or make dinner, or fix a vaportator,
or fight off wayward Tuskens or something.

Nothing
says that depressed and traumatized Obi-Wan wouldn’t sometimes take
delight in lightsaber play, or practical jokes. I just don’t think
that it would overtake the depression and PTSD.

On
top of all of that is what
you get when
you take a look at the EU. Obi-Wan’s been traumatized since he was
a kid. He was bullied through his tweens. He was rejected by the ONLY
teacher he could hope to have until the Order booted him to the
AgroCorps, at least a week before the official deadline. Then that
shuttle crashed, and he saw his first major battle which led to
approximately FOUR HUNDRED dead.

At
not quite 13. Over the next year (probably less, but let’s be
generous), he had to deal with: kidnapping, enslavement and hard
labor, an attempted mind wipe, an actual war accompanied by
abandonment by his teacher, and
his teacher’s prior student trying to blow up his home. By the time
Phantom Menace rolls around, we can include: several more wars, 6
months to a year on the run across war-torn Mandalore trying to keep
a teenage Satine alive, taking responsibility for the death of
Qui-Gon’s Love Interest – and that’s just what’s off the top
of my head.

Y’know
what’s interesting? During Attack of the Clones, what I see is a
man just barely holding his shit together. That scene in Dex’s
Diner breaks me, because all I can think of is my time doing food
service while going through my own PTSD and depression – and I
recognize that empty smile he has for Dex. I know it’s all
interpretation, but I can’t help but think he’s faking that
smile. That sure, he means it: he’s happy to see a friend, he wants
to reassure him, but that doesn’t change the hollow inside that he
knows if he lets go and falls into it, he will never climb out.

The
war provided an alternative focus. It gave him clear, concrete goals:
beat back enemies here and here, keep as many of these people alive
as possible, here are resources and here are the end goals. He could
legitimately bond with brothers in arms who could grok black humor,
who wouldn’t look askance at someone covering long-standing grief
and discomfort with banter and flirting, “who
winked and witticized his way out of death and imprisonment a million
times, who always found something to laugh about or make fun of even
in the most difficult situations” – regardless of how inappropriate or relevant that might be to the circumstances.

Sometimes,
that laughter is all that keeps you from breaking from all the pain.

Yes,
people heal. Yes, he had 20 years to
work through
that trauma and injury. He’d
also be doing it alone, with a legacy of stoicism and philosophies
about releasing his emotions into the Force. The last major
friendships he had ended in betrayal in death, and people he depended on tended to either die or betray him.

That’s
not something you blithely overcome to play pranks on the locals
while watching over the kid of your best friend what you almost
killed as he was trying to kill you, like he killed most everyone
else you knew and loved. There is so much trauma and pain he’s had to see over the last 20 plus years, and Tatooine is the first time he ever gets to breathe and react.

If you want to write trickster archtype Obi-Wan, I applaud you. Without any sarcasm or mockery: you do you.

Meanwhile, I’ll be writing traumatized Old Ben.

(Many thanks to @morgynleri​ and @elegantmess-southernbelle​ who provided brilliant points and conversation, though I suspect I
phrased it with much less grace and coherency than they did)

sunnystark:

does anyone else think about iron man 2 and get emotional because tony stark is so obviously depressed, withdrawn, and falling apart but no one notices and just passes off all his reckless behavior as just The Norm (including a lot of fans??) and only when Fury finally brings to light that Tony’s DYING and giving away all his things, making plans for the future of his company, etc does anyone pay even the slightest attention and eVEN THEN no one really does anything about it??

Once he’s replaced the palladium everyone’s like “great everything’s back to normal again” as if that changes the fact that tony withstood a CRAZY AMOUNT of trauma?? He’s always just getting beat around and because he outwardly laughs it off everyone assumes he’s fine I’m so mad someone needs to give him a hug and say it’s okay not to be fine

hobbitsaarebas:

jabberwockypie:

PTSD is your brain trying to make sure you DON’T DIE.

Humans are really good at adapting so that we don’t die.  That’s kind of our whole *THING*.  We adapt.

If something BAD and SCARY and DANGEROUS happens, your brain tries to teach you to react better next time.  If the Bad Scary Dangerous thing happens a lot, that’s reinforcing it.  With CPTSD, the Bad Scary Dangerous thing happened often enough and frequently enough that your whole psyche developed around it.

You learn to notice the tiny things that signal the Bad Scary Dangerous Thing might happen – even if you don’t consciously know that you know that – so that you are braced to react and defend yourself.  They become triggers so that you are primed to respond.

Hypervigilance? Better to panic unnecessarily than to get dead because you didn’t recognize a threat in time, right?  It’s uncomfortable and a waste of energy but you’re not dead.

Nightmares about the Bad Thing?  Dreams are PRACTICE.  You are trying to learn how to react better or faster or more effectively next time.

Avoidance? Dissociating is better than just completely breaking and shutting down entirely.

The thing is, even if you are not in that situation anymore, your brain did not get the memo.  It is trying! But it takes a lot of work to convince it that “No really, it is safe now!”

I guess what I’m saying is cut yourself some slack.  You are doing your best and you’re not dead. ❤

The realization that PTSD is a survival response helped me be less angry at my brain for the way it was behaving. 

When my PTSD was pervasive and controlled my whole life, I didn’t understand that in situations of abuse, it can be difficult for even an outside observer to determine which things were dangerous. So your brain just labels anything or everything involved in the situation as dangerous. That’s how you wind up having fight/flight/fawn/play dead responses to innocuous things like telephones or shoes or the word “sweetheart” – because part of your brain figures that maybe they were part of what hurt you and thus should be interpreted as dangers. It’s the same survival-related pattern-recognition that allows us to spot camoflaged snakes in the grass, only in recovering from abuse, your brain is trying to spot snakes in the interpersonal relationship. 

The process of recovering from PTSD often involves unpairing neutral simuli from survival responses. So you’re retraining your brain to understand that telephones and shoes and the word “sweetheart” do not signal imminent danger, and to instead recognize which interpersonal behaviors actually are dangerous. 

hobbitsaarebas:

fabulousworkinprogress:

micchi-monster:

bpdzoldyck:

A note on the topic of trauma that I personally found helpful in accepting the idea that I am a trauma victim is that one of the most widely accepted facts in the field of trauma research is that abuse is often not the common factor in whether somebody will develop ptsd. 

Many people can go through awful things without developing trauma based disorders as long as they receive compassion and support in processing those events as they happen. The most common factor in developing something like ptsd is emotional neglect. And emotional neglect on it’s own can be enough. 

Whatever you went through was enough I promise, you’re not overreacting. Abuse and neglect are traumatic at any level, you don’t need to have gone through the worst possible experience you can think of to develop ptsd. If it hurt you then it hurt you.

…..oh.

And to support that, the number one determining factor on how badly something affects a person is how they’re treated afterward, not how objectively bad the event was. They’re called resiliency factors.

It looks like this:

Horrible brutal traumatic event + Family and community support + legal amelioration + closure and therapy and help 

ONE MILLION TIMES MORE LIKELY TO RECOVER THAN

Event that the sufferer may think “seems minor” compared to what others have been through + Family neglect and abuse (you deserved it, name calling, support the abuser) + no legal means + denial and stifling and no therapeutic support

I have been raped, I have been abused by someone who was supposed to be family to me, and I have recovered and gotten my life back together. I have psychiatrists, psychologists, best friends, lovers, and family who support me. I did not get legal justice, but I got the person(s) out of my life.

My friend was repeatedly verbally abused by his step-parent, and when he was abused and hurt by others he was blamed for it by that parent. He had no support and no one to talk to about it for over 10 years.

He still feels guilty for even being affected by it and I’ve had long talks with him about how it isn’t “nothing compared to” what I went through. 

You are not wrong to be upset. You are not wrong to feel the effects of trauma. Your hurt cannot be measured against anyone else’s. Your resiliency is your own and your situation is valid to you. Perception is everything. The worst thing that ever happened to you might ostensibly be less bad than the worst thing that ever happened to me – but it still is what happened to YOU.

Trauma is so predictable that we can make tidy little equations out of it. The ones above are good, but the ones I’ve seen are a little simpler. Something like: 

Overwhelming Experience + Isolation + Shame = PTSD

jabberwockypie:

thats-what-sidhe-said:

daftpunk-delorean:

golemprivilege:

autistic-bird:

golemprivilege:

look: if you have treatment-resistant depression (you’ve tried more than two antidepressants, from two different classes, without success[1]), please consider the following:

  • you actually have bipolar II, not major depressive disorder
  • you have ADHD instead of or in addition to major depressive disorder

get evaluated for both. both are easy to miss, because ADHD doesn’t manifest very obviously even in severe cases and because bipolar II is not as dramatic as bipolar I and gets overlooked.

[1] SSRIs and SNRIs count as two different classes. if you tried, say, prozac and effexor and neither worked, you qualify. 

also, it may be that some of the symptoms you have that have been labeled depression are the result of posttraumatic stress, which often (though not necessarily) responds better to therapy and other treatments than to antidepressants alone.

v. important addition my ADHD-ass brain forgot about. PTSD hides in plain site and can majorly complicate other mental illnesses. 

Listen up! I landed in the hospital for nine days with suicidal, treatment-resistant depression, only to find out that I have bipolar II and PTSD. I didn’t know that a bipolar II hypomania can manifest as incredible insomnia, irritability, distractibility, etc while still maintaining an elevated level of depression, so I didn’t recognize the mood swings for what they were. I just felt depressed all the time, but sometimes I slept all the time, and sometimes I didn’t sleep at all.

Once I was switched from an antidepressant to a mood stabilizer, I saw immediate and dramatic improvement, and began to recognize the signs of falling into a depression or hypomania. If you can’t seem to get your depression under control, ask your doctor about bipolar II!

Hypomania can also be having a lot of energy, not needing a lot of sleep and being creative and productive. It’s like mania, but toned down a whole lot. If you’re used to depression, hypomania just feels like what you think normal should be. It feels good. Except it ends and crashes back into depression, leaving you depressed and guilty about fucking up whatever it was that hypomania was letting you do.

I found this book to be really helpful. I wanted to leave my old doctor for multiple reasons, so I hunted down a doctor familiar with bipolar II and he confirmed my suspicions and got me into treatment.

Bipolar meds are not only DIFFERENT than standard depression meds, but bipolar patients can also react badly to them – they can trigger manic episodes (and usually not the fun kind).

If you have ADHD and depression and PTSD, that can also mimic Bipolar disorder.  I’m not bipolar, but I was misdiagnosed for a long time because nobody really listened to me talking about abuse for a long time, and my ADHD is more of the inattentive type.