Well, here’s the thing that I try to explain to people. As a life-long Star Trek fan, when Star Trek: The Motion Picture came out, one of the revelatory things for me – as a twelve-year-old who watched the show for almost a decade, who’d poured all over the blueprints, read all the novels; I lived and breathed in my imagination the Star Trek universe – when Star Trek: The Motion Picture came out and I saw the design of the new Enterprise, which you could tell was bad-ass, it was souped up, but it all made sense. When you looked at it, you were all like, “Oh, okay, that’s an extrapolation of the design, it looks cooler. Faster. More powerful. And very, very sexy…”

But when you saw the interior – this is what blew my mind the most – when you saw the interior of the refit Enterprise, with the blue-and-red impulse dome, and the impulse engines you knew so well, and how they related to the rest of the Engineering section, how the intermix chamber came down from that impulse dome, went into the Engineering deck that was below the impulse engines, and how you saw that same intermix chamber snake back through the length of the secondary hull to where it went into the different warp nacelle struts… when you saw that, you realized that the entire internal makeup, the internal design of the Enterprise had been incredibly well thought out. You looked and that and just thought, “Oh my god!”  One could never understand the relationship between the warp drive and the impulse engines in The Original Series, because the Engineering set in The Original Series was located behind the impulse engines. So…how did that work with the warp drive? It never made sense to me; you never really got it. But with Star Trek: The Motion Picture, you finally saw how everything related, and the Star Trek universe was extrapolated upon in such a gorgeous way across the board – from Starfleet Headquarters to the Epsilon IX station to the Klingon battle cruisers; That first glimpse inside of the [Klingon] bridge, with the moving tactical displays, I nearly lost my mind. We’d never seen that before, other than the brief glimpse behind Subcommander Tal in “The Enterprise Incident.”  But we finally saw this with The Motion Picture. For me, as a Star Trek fan, the imagination and the thought that was on display in that movie – of the Star Trek universe itself – was wondrous.

One of the things about the Abrams Star Trek that irked me to no end is how they just haphazardly put into that movie whatever they particularly wanted. Like, J.J. Abrams wanted the image of a young James Kirk driving up on the ground, seeing the Starfleet shipyards as the Enterprise was being built, and then seeing his future. He wanted that image, and you know what? As a director myself, I get that. I think that’s great, J.J. – however, the actual design of the Starship Enterprise, from its very inception back into the Sixties, came from the very real scientific idea a ship the size of the Enterprise COULD ONLY BE BUILT IN ORBIT, because of its sheer size. That’s a very scientific, real world concept based on the laws of physics. Components would be built on Earth, then assembled in orbit. You would not build a starship that looked like the Enterprise, with that configuration, with small struts holding up massive warp nacelles, if you had to build it on the ground and figure out a way to put it in orbit. You wouldn’t do it! The energy expenditure it would take to lift up something like a starship from the surface of the Earth and put it in orbit, into space, you couldn’t do it. It wouldn’t make sense, even if you had the technology to do it, because the ship would not be configured that way – so when they put the Enterprise on the Earth simply for that “classic” image, to me, what it said was the filmmakers were throwing out 45 years of all of the imaginative Star Trek design work for one single image. In the theater, I felt I was seeing someone say to me personally, “Fuck all that. I want an image of this starship on Earth so somebody can ride up on a motorcycle and see it and look at his future.”

I’m sorry, but the Starship Enterprise was simply not built on a planet. It just wasn’t. One of the constraints of the Star Trek universe is the Enterprise was built in space. That’s the design of that ship. It just was! Now, you can sit there and go, “Well, I didn’t want it to be that way.”  But that’s always been the design of that ship; it’s as much as Spock having pointed ears. By putting it on the planet Earth… I was just like, okay, the thought behind the design work – it was just people saying, “Well, the practicality of all this, we’re going to throw it out the window.”  My thinking would be…the screenwriters and Mr. Abrams should’ve figured out a really interesting 23rd CENTURY way to show that same image of Kirk seeing the ship for the first time. Riding up on a motorcycle and looking off into the future is just not very interesting.

To me, that same thinking permeated the rest of the film. They used narrative shortcuts and previously established cinematic imagery to convey information. So, why, exactly, is James Kirk a troubled young man in the J.J. Abrams movie? We never see a scene with the young James Kirk having something that happens to him directly that turns him into a troubled young man – sure, we’re given this shorthand scene where he steals a car, drives off a cliff, and that, inexplicably to me, the audience goes “Oh, he’s a rebel.” Well, is he? We don’t know; why is he a rebel? His father’s not around because he sacrificed his life so Kirk could live. That shouldn’t make you troubled. Then you have an obligatory scene inside a bar where the townies get into a fight with the Starfleet Academy boys. That is a generic scene from a hundred other movies. “But let’s put it in a Star Trek movie where it will be in the 23rd century!” There was nothing in that scene that was clever or had a 23rd Century twist; it was a bar fight scene that we’ve seen in movies back to the dawn of cinema. It is not a great Star Trek scene; it is not an interesting variation on the bar fight scene; it turns Starfleet Academy members, or young cadets, into ogres and oafs… “You’re talkin’ to my girl? Well, let’s get into a fight!” I mean, we’ve seen that scene in a hundred other movies; it is the most uncreative, shorthand bullshit storytelling method ever.

Throughout that entire movie… I will say this, to give them credit; I did enjoy the young Spock stuff on Vulcan, I thought that was great. The rest of the storytelling, to me, was – while the filmmaking was fine, there was some brilliant filmmaking on display; the acting was great, I love the characters and I thought the casting was impeccable – but to me, the storytelling was just generic and subpar. It did not create a believable ‘reality’ to me. The universe of J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek movie is not ‘real’ the way the original Star Trek and The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine and Voyager – and even Enterprise – were ‘real’. You cannot give a third-year cadet on academic probation the captaincy of a starship. In what universe would you ever do that? He’s had one mission – admittedly, he saved the Earth; of course, Vulcan was destroyed – I mean, what does he know about first contact missions? What does he know about interacting with an entire starship crew – I mean, the original Star Trek, when you met Captain Kirk, you got through various episode back stories he’d served for years and years before he became captain.

I understand what they were doing, and the movie made a lot of money, but to me, it did not create a believable universe – the way Star Wars created a believable universe, the way Alien created a believable universe – that new Star Trek movie was generic pablum that appealed to the masses. But, to be fair, that was exactly what it was designed to do. The greatest thing about it – I will say this – it made a lot of money, it brought the franchise back from the dead, and now new Star Trek is viable and lucrative; people are going back and rediscovering the original show, which is really the most important thing. I just wish it were a lot more intelligent.

Robert Meyer Burnett speaks about J. J. Abrams’ Star Trek (x)

do you need some ice for that burn

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reblogging for @medieisme

(via purplesneakerprincess)

HOLY FUCKBALLS that was AWESOME. Seriously, I don’t even smoke and I need a cigarette after reading that. *happy sigh*

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‘even enterprise’

(via timefortigers)

romance-repulsed-aros:

I’m not usually one to do really deep, pained posts, but I just saw something that hurt me and I don’t want to keep it silent and stuffed away, because I deserve to talk about this. Every aromantic person does.

So I was on this blog, just looking around because it’s very nice, and I stumbled on this ask the person got about relationships in college. They answered that they had never been in a serious relationship and how they had casual flings. They ended it with talking about how they met someone that they’re really connecting with, and how they can open up to them, how they’re finally doing something really “human”.

And seeing things like that, seeing romance being equated to humanity, I don’t think people realize how much that hurts to aromantics. It feels like small knives getting thrown into you, and the more you see those remarks, the more knives you get stabbed in you. It just builds up, more and more, until you break and drown in your self hatred again. And when someone you trust says a tiny thing like that, like a friend, the knifes go into your back instead of your front. And it hurts much worse.

And what really freaking sucks is that society doesn’t care. Aromanticism is barely known to anybody. Everyone is so used to the idea that romance = everything that if you dare to deviate away from that, you’re wrong and strange and unnatural. You’re considered disgusting, a freak, and worst of all, a monster.

Even the most open-minded, friendly people often see aromanticism as something terrible and sad, something that needs to be fixed, because oh it’s okay sweetie, you’ll find someone, you won’t be lonely and unhappy forever.

But being alone isn’t equal to unhappiness, and I’m so tired of the world insisting that it is, that you can’t possibly have a good, fulfilling life without romance. I’m so exhausted of going through this day by day, waiting for society to care about us. Even though there’s been a little progress, it’s still so tiny, and I. Am. Tired.

I’m so angry that I’m supposed to just sit here and take all these little insults like they aren’t literally demonizing a part of who I am. I’m furious that aromantics haven’t gotten proper attention, and still aren’t getting it. I’m TIRED of everyone claiming they care about us, when they just join the crowd and kick us down the next moment. When they say they support your aromanticism, then go on to talk about how it’s sad that the old man is sitting by himself at the park, when he could have a romantic lover at his side instead.

Aromantics have so much expected from them that no one wants to give back. We’re supposed to suck it up, be happy for romance, even when it reminds us of how society considers us as monsters. We’re expected to put on smiles, force ourselves to watch that movie that puts romance on the highest pedestal. If a friend has a wedding, we need to congratulate them in bright spirits, because if we don’t we’re horrible, mean people that have no soul.

Being aromantic itself in this kind of society is already crushing, but then you also have all of us that have intersecting identities, like if you’re a person of color or mentally ill. And all of this demonization and negativity skyrockets if you’re aromantic but not asexual, because sex is so heavily stigmatized and taboo, and if you like sex but not romance, you’re the absolute worst kind of monster. Because you must be heartless and enjoy using people for their bodies, right? You can take it from me, someone who is bisexual and aromantic, who has seen the awful stereotypes people speak of those orientations, how they’re so eerily similar.

Romance doesn’t equate to being a human being. Aromanticism is not a screw up in our biology or a flaw that needs to be cured. It doesn’t make us freaks, or monsters, or sob stories. It’s just who we are. We don’t feel romantic attraction, and often don’t enjoy romance either, and that’s okay. We don’t deserve all this hatred, this self loathing society creates in us. It’s okay to drift away from the norm, from what everyone wants you to be. It’s okay to have flings and not relationships.

Romance is not a goal you must achieve to be wonderful.

fierceawakening:

obsidianchameleon:

fierceawakening:

euryale-dreams:

12000wheelsofseductivecheese:

fierceawakening:

faeline:

fierceawakening:

I don’t know all the reasons why I like dark things, and I don’t think I need to know them all, but… I was just looking at the blog of that person who said I “dehumanize and fetishize” gay men, and I saw that he was quite young (15) and his blog was all full of pastel colors and references to his mental illness and something dawned on me that I hadn’t thought about in a Tumblr context at all.

Part of my PTSD is about experiences I had in hospitals, and because of that one of my triggers is… not pastels, all by themselves, but like… have you ever stayed in a hospital as a kid? And everything is covered in soothing soft colors and all the nurses wear scrubs with like… cute animal drawings on them and everyone talks in a sing-song voice and reassures you things won’t hurt when they OBVIOUSLY will and you’d rather they tell the truth, accept that you have good reasons to be scared, and get it the hell overwith?

Yeah, I think I just figured out why those kids’ blogs give me a weird tingly feeling of creeping dread.

And I think I figured out, also, where my intense leeriness of “safe spaces” and trigger warnings comes from too–even though as a person with PTSD I’m supposed to want them.

It’s because in my experience, people who were trying to make me feel safe were LYING. They were lying because it was in their interest–in mine, too, but in theirs–for me to feel calm and soothed. For me not to feel despair, or anger, or blind screaming rage.

…Is it any wonder I like the stories where the people with the knives and the cruel smiles and the mind games are blatant about it? Or that I might want a few knives of my own, even though I have no desire to hurt anyone who isn’t going to get off on it?

I don’t want those kids to not need safety.

I want them to stop pretending safety looks the same for everyone.

Yes, this.

When people tell me “You’re safe,” I don’t think of Helpful Adult saving me from the monsters under the bed. I think of my teachers, saying the people who hurt me would never do such a thing, and I should stop lying because I was perfectly safe. I think of the people who used to hug me until my lungs wouldn’t fill and my ribs creaked, and got away without a whisper of a reprimand. Because they were pretty and soft, and I was cold and harsh.

That’s not safe, to me. That’s the most dangerous place in the world, because the people who live there will do anything- anything at all- if it means they don’t have to acknowledge how nasty their walled garden has really gotten. Because if I defend myself, they can’t pretend anymore. And they sure as hell won’t defend me.

THIS.

I have experienced a lot of passive-aggressive emotional abuse in my life and let me tell you – my abusers had a vested interest in keeping me calm. 

Upset means resistance. Upset means that they have to face the damage they’ve caused. Upset means that you may finally realize that you should leave. Upset means that you might just get up and leave. So they soothe you. They make you doubt the validity of your feelings. They make you feel guilty for getting upset. They make you think that the issue was your fault in the first place. They make you feel like getting upset is pointless. They make you feel like you have wronged them and yourself by being unhappy. 

You do not have to let yourself be soothed. You do not have to let them take the fight out of you. If you do not feel safe; you do not have to feel guilty for getting yourself out. You do not have to feel guilty for being upset when someone has wronged you. You do not have to feel guilty for seeking your own brand of safety.

This is the most poignant description of what it actually feels like to be helpless in an institution that I’ve ever read.

It’s a special kind of violence to be hurt and to be told that it’s kindness. It’s intensely intimate and perverted. Succumbing to it is… spiritually destructive in a way that I have a hard time putting to words. Just… in my safe space I’m always fighting because as long as I continue to struggle that very special form of violence can’t take hold of me and I’ll be okay.

Like… when I get triggered about some of these experiences I’ll even have fantasies about dying while resisting. I mean… I don’t want to go into details because super triggering but… just think about that for a moment.

“It’s a special kind of violence to be hurt and to be told that it’s kindness. It’s intensely intimate and perverted.”

My experiences are not exactly the same as yours, but this, yes.

This is why I have such intense reactions to unkind SJ, whether it’s “sit down, shut up, and listen” (gee, what might that resemble?) or “representation means heroes with no serious flaws.”

Because that particular “shh, shh, shh, if we pretend utopia is already here, it soon will be” lie has hurt me EVERY TIME I’ve heard it.

I’m learning now that the roots of a lot of my trauma was this exact “your life is perfect, you’re not allowed to feel anything other than happiness, you’re ungrateful,” yelling more if I cried, any inkling of talking back or standing up for myself was met with twice the punishment, etc

So while it’s understandable that those in a dark place seek softness and gentle color, and there’s nothing wrong with that, those of us forced into it seek the grime as a form of truth and expression that wasn’t allowed for us, or a fictional playground of violence and anger where we can actually scream our frustrations onto a canvas.

And telling people that they should ditch such exploration for holy goodness is just another form of telling us our anger shouldn’t exist

Boom.

ignescent:

naamahdarling:

ineffablewitch:

Me: Okay so I shower, make lunch, clean the kitchen, and write for a while in prep–

DM: I’m gonna need you to roll three will saving throws

Me: *rolls two critical fails and a 5*

DM: You stare at the ceiling for six hours trying not to cry, walk into the kitchen and look at the cabinets before going back to your room and staring at the computer for the remainder of the day.

Me: FOR FUCKS SAKE

Faulty executive functioning imposes a disadvantage on every roll involved in accomplishing shit, and you have to roll twice, once to initiate the action and again to actually finish it. Low success on either roll means the task is accomplished 40+2d10 percent.

You get 3d6 attempts a day, plus WILL bonus, minus any penalties imposed by lack of sleep/meds/emotional support.

Failing to accomplish a task gives you a -1 to your next action, cumulative until you manage to finish something.

It is possible to function past your allotted actions at +1 action per point of WILL. This reduces your WILL immediately, and the penalty persists 1 day per point of WILL expended in this way.

Welcome to life with mental illness.

I really like this analogy, since it makes it something to work around. Ima going to start calling my life hacks stat buffs and take short rests (naps) more often…

markwatnae:

tygermama:

remember when you had to send in an email saying you were of legal age in order to get on some fansites?

remember when you lied about your age to get on some fansites?

remember when fic didn’t have any warnings at all?

remember when you had to ask a friend to read a fic for you to be sure you could read it safely?

I remember reading some fics at 13 and being like “whoa that was fucked up” and moving on with my life because it was my fault for reading something that was marked “mature” so I wasn’t about to call out the author for not doing anything wrong just because I was weirded out. I took responsibility for my fandom interactions and didn’t expect other people to look out for me. I knew I was reading stuff I probably shouldn’t have been reading, but I wasn’t forced into it by an adult so no one but myself was to blame. I lied about my age more times than I can remember. It never never crossed my mind to call out people for putting explicit or mature material on the internet simply because I was a minor on the internet and I stumbled across it. 

jabberwockypie:

myautisticjournal:

autistic-sowachowski:

Special Interest – A thing you love so much that you know almost everything about it, and love to share your knowledge with others (and it’s probably the only thing you talk about)

Special Salt – A thing you hate so much you learn everything there is about it so you’re well informed on how much you hate it so you can share your salt with others

Oh my god this is a thing now pls
Because I feel this on a spiritual level

So all of those things where I go “I need to tell you about this because they are WRONG and I researched all the reasons WHY” then.