meabhair:

autismserenity:

oodlenoodleroodle:

autismserenity:

fornaxed:

Good lord I’m not saying “you personally have to be violently harmed by cishets to be queer” I’m saying that the term is exclusively reserved for the communities who’ve historically experienced oppression centered around that slur and experienced the violence that it embodies (ie LGBT people)

You’re spouting some nonsense interpretation where you could say “some lesbians are queer but not all” when what I’m literally saying is “lesbians can call themselves queer because the lesbian community has been a target of this slur and experienced horrific violence as part of it”. Ace/aro people who lack same-gender attraction have no place trying to reclaim it because it was never aimed at their community.

Except that historically, people have absolutely been targeted as queer for asexual behavior.

Everybody feel free to grab a beverage and get comfortable, because I spent a lot of time on Google today. (Asexuals, listen up, because we actually have some situations where you are represented in history here.)

Historically, people got labelled queer, and/or queer-bashed, for two major things.

The first was deviating from strict gender norms.

The second was not having hetero sex.

There are tons of examples of white people literature from the 1800s and early 1900s that use terms like “confirmed bachelor” and “spinster aunt” to imply that somebody was queer.

(I was going to say something like European/American/Canadian literature, but let’s call a spade a spade.)

Sure, nowadays we look back at that and go, “everybody knew those people were gay, it was just code for gay, nobody thought anybody was asexual, that wasn’t a thing back then.” 

Of course, that still means that people who we would now call asexual would have been getting queer-bashed because people thought they were gay. So all those asexual people, already, have earned their queer stripes under the rubric above – that they are part of a community that got violently oppressed for being perceived as queer. 

It’s also worth pointing out that as far back as the 1890s, the LGBT movement – which did already exist, and was particularly active in Germany and New York – was already beginning to categorize and write about asexuality as part of its umbrella.

But is that all that was happening? Were straight people actually cool with people who they thought just weren’t having any sex at all?

Let’s see! (This is code for “hell no.”)

My favorite example that I came across was the Spinster Movement.

The Spinster Movement was really long-lived, from around the 1880s through the 1930s. It was a group of women who either felt no sexual attraction, or felt some sexual attraction but didn’t want to have sex. (I will be the first to say that I’m sure that there were also members who nowadays would identify as lesbian, bi, and trans. But it wasn’t the focus.)

The movement particularly focused on opposing sex work, sex trafficking, and child sexual abuse. It was deeply tied up in the suffrage movement, which fought for the vote specifically so that women could oppose these things in the political arena. (There’s a lot more about this in a book called The Spinster and Her Enemies, by Sheila Jeffreys.)

It spanned a wide range of countries. Norwegian researcher Tone Hellund talks about how first the group was considered queer because they were breaking gender norms. And then:

“[in Norway], in
the 1920s and 1930s, female sexuality was suddenly discovered and all
women were supposed to have and enjoy their sexuality. At this point,
frigidity and asexuality also became a topic,
a very problematic topic.

“You could say that the spinsters became queer because they didn’t have
sex or didn’t take part in sexual activities
, and also because they
started to be perceived as potentially homosexual.

“Thus, the romantic
spinster friendships of the earlier phase that were not seen as
problematic in a sexual way became highly problematic in the 1920s and
1930s. Suddenly, all female relationships were seen as suspicious, they
were seen in a new sexual light.“

Notice the “and also” – they were queer for not having sex, AND they were queer for starting to be perceived as possibly lesbians. 

In fact, “spinsters” were routinely slammed this way. In Britain, for example, the teachers’ union was attacked over and over with the double spectre of asexuality and lesbianism.

One example from Women’s History:  “…The fear of spinsters and lesbians affected women teachers in Britain between the wars. A 1935 report in a newspaper of an educational conference expressed the threat in extreme terms: ‘The women who have the responsibility of teaching these girls are many of them themselves embittered, sexless or homosexual hoydens who try to mould the girls into their own pattern.’” It was very explicit.

And the whole thing is a common accusation that queer people still face today. That what we are is bad because it is going to destroy children and society. 

People at the time felt very strongly about how unnatural it was for people not to have sex. Women, in particular, were often divided into “natural” and “unnatural” – i.e. queer – spinsters.  Natural ones were widows; unnatural ones were those we have seen here.

In her book “Family Ties in Victorian England,” Claudia Nelson quotes writer Eliza Linton’s description of “unnatural and alien” spinsters: “Painted and wrinkled, padded and bedizened, with her coarse thoughts, bold words, and leering eyes, [the wrong kind of spinster] has in herself all the disgust which lies around a Bacchante and a Hecate in one…. Such an old maid as this stands as a warning to men and women alike of what and whom to avoid.”

We can see some of the hatred of the Spinsters in the way suffragists were treated when arrested for picketing the White House. They were tortured, beaten, hung by their hands all night, fed rotten food, and subjected to attempted psychiatric abuse.

Earlier, during the Victorian era, there was a popular but unsuccessful movement, for decades, pushing to evict spinsters over 30 from Britain, and send them to Canada, Australia, or the United States instead. They were perceived, at best, as “surplus females”, in part because there were many more women than men in the population there at that time.

There was some overlap between the different kinds of queer. Straight people, as a group, had even less understanding and interest then than they do now of what the different flavors of queer might be.

Shannon Jackson’s essay, “Toward a Queer Social Welfare Studies,” gives a good example of how describes how critics of Jane Addams’ Hull-House “called the settlement ‘unnatural,’ worrying that its women were ‘spinsters’ or that its men were ‘mollycoddles’.” In that case, I would guess that they meant “women who have sex with women”.

It’s a good example of how much they conflated the different kinds of queer – that some straight people could use the term to slam people for being asexual, and others could use it to slam people for the opposite. And it’s also a good example of how little they cared which of us they were attacking. The important thing, to them, was that we weren’t having solely hetero sex and living our lives centered around being hetero. Everything else was just details.

(Also FWIW, I want to note that I meant no disrespect to any of the previous commenters or the OP in cutting the previous posts from queerdemons lesbiandoe @punkrcgers and sushi-moss. Tumblr wouldn’t let me post my long-ass reply without trimming; it mysteriously “lost” the whole thing like it always does when I reply at length to a long thread, and I had to rewrite it.)

Also, this is a lot about women, but an unmarried man over a certain age was also considered “a threat to society” (and as mentioned above the term “confirmed bachelor” is still code for gay)

Right? I didn’t know ANYTHING about the Spinster Movement before I read about it yesterday, I didn’t even know that it existed. So I suspect that there are a shit-ton more examples like this. It could fill a really interesting book.

@morgynleri was this the post you meant? 🙂

This is the post I was thinking about, yeah, though the other post was really awesomely useful too. Thank you! 🙂

the “aces/aros were part of the bi community until they very recently chose to split off, so stop telling them that they have never been queer or that they don’t belong in ‘the LGBT community’” masterpost

autismserenity:

“Many bisexual respondents described bisexuality as a potential or as an essential quality that many people possess, but that only some people express through actual feelings of attraction or sexual behavior.

“According to this definition, people can be – and are – bisexual without ever experiencing an attraction to one sex or the other and without ever having sexual relations with one sex or the other.

“In contrast to lesbian respondents, most of whom define a bisexual as a person who feels attracted to or has sexual relations with both sexes, very few bisexual women define bisexuals as people who necessarily have these actual emotional and physical experiences.”
Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics, by Paula Rust, in 1995

[Note that yes, she and her respondents are using cissexist mid-90s wording that isn’t inclusive of nonbinary/genderqueer people. We spent much less time educating cis people about gender-inclusive language in the mid-90s. In modern terms, they are saying “to any gender” and “with any gender”.]

“[A]s a bi trans woman who was there and actually saw
aroaces being part of the bi community and putting in the work and
dealing with the oppression…  The bi community was actively rejecting
definitions beyond ‘not gay, not straight’ into the mid-90s, because every definition offered excluded some of its members.”
@wetwareproblem, from this post

“"[In a 1992 issue of The Advocate], Nona Hendryx’s interviewer
used the word ‘bisexual,’ and Hendryx did not reject the word but said,
‘I try to think of myself as asexual.’“
Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics, by Paula Rust, again

“When I grew up, heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual were explicitly not specifically sexual. “It’s not about sex!” was a battlecry. This was emphasized frequently as
people would sit there trying to come up with some gotcha that meant
that you couldn’t be gay and a virgin at the same time. Or — and this is
important: that you couldn’t be queer if you weren’t interested in sex. While it’s not necessarily the same as explicitly affirming
asexuality, this was a way in which the asexual experience was made
intelligible under the mainstream organization of sexuality.

“There was a lot of rhetoric that emphasized this point. In particular, that the fixation on the sexual part
of homo/bi-sexuality was actually a form of heterocentrism in which
hets would try to strip queers of the capability for romantic
attraction.

“Yes
, there are problems there. Yes, there’s the privileging of romantic attraction as better and more pure than sexual. And it’s worth talking about.

“But that’s not what I’m getting at right now.What I am getting at, is that in the models I grew up with, among the queers I grew up around, both aro and ace people could qualify as not just bi, but bisexual….

“During a time in which being aro or ace (or aroace) was even less intelligible to the mainstream — or even the mainstream queer community — than it is now, where were
the ace and aro bi people? Where did they organize under when trying to
deal with monosexism? Where did they vent their frustrations over LG
exclusion? Where did they openly talk about their attractions? Who were
they fighting alongside?

“Bisexuals
.

“They were with the bisexuals.

“They were bisexuals.

@atomicbubblegum, from this post

“Lord amighty. Some of us did just live through this. Not every Tumblr person is a teenager. Some of us were there.

“Urgh.

One
of the oldest queer people I personally know is ace, and hung out in
the ‘not gay or straight’ section for ages, but she’s been with us
forever….

“I’m pretty much done with sga people who are too young to have been there talking over bi people who were there.

“Aces were bi only 20 years ago. ’Bi’ was the umbrella diagnosis if you weren’t a gold star gay.

“You kids get off my lawn.“
@vaspider, both here and right over here

“Was there; can confirm.”
– @persephonesidekickhere

bonus links:
in which a 1917 essayist explains how aces and other non-heteronormative women are going to destroy feminism, and ultimately, all of human society

in which people have been targeted as queer for asexual behavior for like 150 years 

if you like all this, you might like the asexual history interest group

@writertobridge – the post I was thinking about, and which might be useful to the anon for educating them about history.

Thank you, @meabhair, for finding it for me!

The issue isn’t that the A has historically stood for ally, it’s that equating aceness with LGBT is undermining LGBT history. Of course you can be ace IN ADDITION to being LGBT, but LGBT as a movement was formed for people oppressed under homophobia (gay/lesbian/bi) and people oppressed under transphobia (trans and nb). Ace and aro aren’t inherently LGBT on their own, and tacking it onto the acronym tells cishet aces/aros they CAN be, despite not being oppressed under homophobia or transphobia.

writertobridge:

To emphasize a point I made in my post:

I understand that you’re going to have a different opinion than me. However, I’m still going to include asexuals in my LGBTQ+ community. I understand the historical aspects of the LGBT community. I know the difficulties the community had to go through to get where we are today. I see that history as my history. I’m a lesbian. I completely understand why people feel the need to protect that history from cishet people.

But times are different now. And the LGBTQ+ community has expanded, for better or for worse. Some people choose to include ace and aro people, cishet or not, into those communities. Some people don’t. I do. I want them in my community. While we don’t have the same history of oppression, they are still oppressed in some ways by our hyper-sexual society. They still face conflict. They are less likely to be targeted for that conflict, yes, but they still have to hide who they are for fear of being judged or ostracized and that is something I understand more than anything. I mean, just look at how people treat ace and aro people on this site. Could you imagine what it’s really like when they’re confronted by people who don’t understand? I do. That’s why I choose to still include them in my community. Others have done the same, which is why we have Q+ and QIA where asexuals (as well as others) are welcome.

Again, it’s okay if you don’t agree with me. It’s fine if you latch onto that history and draw a line somewhere else. It’s alright if you just want to stick with the LGBT crowd. I choose to draw the line in a different place. That’s why I use LGBTQ+ and LGBTQIA instead of just LGBT. I want ace and aro individuals in my community. I want that differentiation. People will likely belittle me for my inclusion, but that’s okay. I’m fine with that. We agree to disagree.

I’ll need to find the post that has the sources again, by someone who has done more research than I have, but being asexual has at least a century of history of being part of the queer community, and lumped in with being gay/lesbian/bisexual, transgender, or other sexual “deviances”. Being asexual meant being excluded and ostracized just as much as being gay or lesbian, and that anon needs to do more research into their history.

Hell, being asexual is still considered a psychiatric disorder. Just like being homosexual was considered a mental illness for decades.

And this whole idea that someone who is asexual or aromantic not being part of the community is something that has been pushed only in the last few years, mostly on tumblr, and mostly onto and by very young people who do not know their history, who blindly follow along in the wake of radfem exclusionary politics.

As for the idea that anyone who is asexual is, unless they prove otherwise, heterosexual, is an exclusionary tactic and acephobic to boot. Being asexual automatically means that a person is not heterosexual. Perhaps cisgender, but that doesn’t have a damned thing to do with sexuality.

Someone who is asexual may or may not also be aromantic, and they may or may not be heteroromantic, depending on how they define their own attraction. Someone who is aromantic may indeed be heterosexual, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t queer.

Yes, I understand that they’re using a specific acronym. The problem is, that acronym is often used without actually including the people whose identities are nominally included in it – namely bisexuals and people who are transgender. And very often are excluded by the same people who want to tell asexual and aromantic people that they’re not welcome in the community because they can’t possibly face the same sort of oppression.

I’m glad you’re more inclined to be welcoming. I wish more people were. And I wish people like anon would quit trying to tell me and mine that we aren’t welcome and we aren’t really queer because we’re not gay or lesbian.

howler32557038:

prosthetical:

mostlyhydratrash:

glumshoe:

The other thing about the word “queer” is that almost everyone I’ve seen opposed to it have been cis, binary gays and lesbians. Not wanting it applied to yourself is fine, but I think people underestimate the appeal of vague, inclusive terminology when they already have language to easily and non-invasively describe themselves.

Saying “I’m gay/lesbian/bi” is pretty simple. Just about everyone knows what you mean, and you quickly establish yourself as a member of a community. Saying “I’m a trans nonbinary bi woman who’s celibate due to dysphoria and possibly on the ace spectrum”… not so much. You’re lucky to find anyone who understands even half of that, and explaining it requires revealing a ton of personal information. The appeal of “queer” is being able to identify yourself without profiling yourself. It’s welcoming and functional terminology to those who do not have the luxury of simplified language and occupy complicated identities. *That’s* why people use it – there are currently not alternatives to express the same sentiment.

It’s not people “oppressing themselves” or naively and irresponsibly using a word with loaded history. It’s easy to dismiss it as bad or unnecessary if you already have the luxury of language to comfortably describe yourself.

^^And tbh, I don’t understand the pushback from the monosexual identities, because, fuck, “gay” is a pretty accurate descriptor for me, and one I use often, but the other frequent flyer is “queer” because 1) it denotes a level of irreverence toward the status quo, 2) sometimes I like women, but not often enough that I feel like “bisexual” is a useful descriptor for me, and sometimes I’m just not into and/or am repulsed by sex, but not enough for “asexual” or “demisexual” to apply, and sometimes I feel kind of ambivalent about gender, but I’m still comfortable IDing as male, so queer kind of encompasses all of that without having to get into it, and 3) it signals solidarity with bi/pan/ace/trans communities, which is something I think is important in a time and place when a whole lot of gay and lesbian people would rather throw the rest of the community under the bus than have to think about what their existence means for our often-flawed worldview.

That fucking last point tho. Yes. I’m infinitely more likely to trust someone who identifies as queer, if they’re cis.

DAMN BOI LAY IT DOWN

All good points. And for me personally, saying that I’m queer is just so much shorter than explaining that I’m bi and intersex but also only sexually interested in people who know the difference between Sindarin and Quenya.

vaspider:

skeletrender:

glumshoe:

The other thing about the word “queer” is that almost everyone I’ve seen opposed to it have been cis, binary gays and lesbians. Not wanting it applied to yourself is fine, but I think people underestimate the appeal of vague, inclusive terminology when they already have language to easily and non-invasively describe themselves.

Saying “I’m gay/lesbian/bi” is pretty simple. Just about everyone knows what you mean, and you quickly establish yourself as a member of a community. Saying “I’m a trans nonbinary bi woman who’s celibate due to dysphoria and possibly on the ace spectrum”… not so much. You’re lucky to find anyone who understands even half of that, and explaining it requires revealing a ton of personal information. The appeal of “queer” is being able to identify yourself without profiling yourself. It’s welcoming and functional terminology to those who do not have the luxury of simplified language and occupy complicated identities. *That’s* why people use it – there are currently not alternatives to express the same sentiment.

It’s not people “oppressing themselves” or naively and irresponsibly using a word with loaded history. It’s easy to dismiss it as bad or unnecessary if you already have the luxury of language to comfortably describe yourself.

There’s another dimension that always, always gets overlooked in contemporary discussions about the word “queer:” class. The last paragraph here reminds me of a old quote: “rich lesbians are ‘sapphic,’ poor lesbians are ‘dykes’.” 

The reclaiming of the slur “queer” was an intensely political process, and people who came up during the 90s, or who came up mostly around people who did so, were divided on class and political lines on questions of assimilation into straight capitalist society. 

Bourgeois gays and lesbians already had “the luxury of language” to describe themselves – normalized through struggle, thanks to groups like the Gay Liberation Front.

Everyone else, from poor gays and lesbians to bi and trans people and so on, had no such language. These people were the ones for whom social/economic assimilation was not an option.

The only language left, the only word which united this particular underclass, was “queer.” “Queer” came to mean an opposition to assimilation – to straight culture, capitalism, patriarchy, and to upper class gays and lesbians who wanted to throw the rest of us under the bus for a seat at that table – and a solidarity among those marginalized for their sexuality/gender id/presentation. 

(Groups which reclaimed “queer,” like Queer Patrol (armed against homophobic violence), (Queers) Bash Back! (action and theory against fascism, homophobia, and transphobia), and Queerbomb (in response to corporate/state co-optation of mainstream Gay Pride), were “ultraleft,” working-class, anti-capitalist, and functioned around solidarity and direct action.)

The contemporary discourse around “queer” as a reclaimed-or-not slur both ignores and reproduces this history. The most marginalized among us, as OP notes, need this language. The ones who have problems with it are, generally, among those who have language – or “community,” or social/economic/political support – of their own.

Oh hey look it’s the story of my growing up.

All of this is true.