I want to see a fanfic where Harry hatches a basilisk.
I want to see a fanfic where he looks up “magical snakes” as soon as he gets to Hogwarts because that thing at the zoo always bugged him, and so the Trio works out that it’s a basilisk immediately after the first petrification in Second Year. But they don’t know how it’s getting around or where it is or anything, so Harry is just like WELP SET A BASILISK TO FIND A BASILISK while Hermione and Ron are like HARRY NO.
I want to see a fanfic where Harry sticks a chicken egg under a toad and makes all these plans about how he’ll talk to his huge deadly snake and get it eye-blinkers and shit so it doesn’t kill people and make sure it’s not too aggressive, and somehow it never occurs to his twelve-year old brain that the chicken egg has a total volume of about four tablespoons and he is not going to get the giant King of Serpents he is expecting.
I want to see a fanfic where it finally breaks out of the shell and Harry finds himself with a bb!basilisk too smol to even have the murder-eyes yet, who can only petrify someone for about half an hour before the effect wears off. She eats spiders and gets tired very easily and demands that he wear a hood she can curl up in and sleep.
(She is also the same vivid green as his eyes and already hideously venomous, but doesn’t like using her fangs because she says they get cold and give her brain freeze when she unsheathes them.)
I just… I really want Harry with a haughty, demanding, arrogant danger noodle who has an overinflated sense of her own importance, views Hedwig as a TERRIFYING MENACE because she isn’t big enough to eat owls yet and keeps up a steady stream of insults hissed in Harry’s ear whenever she’s near someone who has a Dark Mark (which she can sense at close range). And who is basically useless as a familiar because she refuses to slither across anything other than sun-warmed stones or Harry, hasn’t got a very powerful gaze yet and doesn’t like biting people.
(Except snake-arm-people. She finds snake-arm-people confusing and annoying, and would probably make an exception on the no-biting thing where they’re concerned.)
I mean there are obviously a lot of factors influencing snake growth rate but if we assume basilisks just get stupidhuge because they grow their whole lives and are immortal, this snake is probably going to be at least 8 feet long by Deathly Hallows, which is a significant and intimidating chunk of scaly muscle that is intelligent enough to do what it is told. Like, you know, hey, bite this necklace.
So I mean by like his fourth year it’s going to be pretty hard to hide this snake that is nearly as long as he is tall and it’s not going to do much for his reputation that the Boy Who Lived has a pet fucking basilisk but holy damn does it make book seven a whole hell of a lot shorter.
I feel like I should write this
can you just imagine him ron and hermione coming up with increasingly ridiculous excuses trying to hide their pet baby basilisk in the dorms (hagrid would be so proud). how long do you think it’d take before harry’s pet basilisk is just a really badly hidden secret between all of gryffindor? and the ensuring antics of the entire house as they try to keep mcgonagall from finding out? (she knows something is up, but even just thinking of what could be big enough the entire house is trying to keep it from her makes her want to break out the firewhiskey)
ron gets the idea to try and practices parseltongue with baby basilisk since he hears harry talking in his sleep with it all the time anyway (and ngl, baby basilisk is kind of adorable and eats all the spiders in the dorm so he doesn’t have to deal with them, he’s pretty smitten once she hatches), and as soon as hermione overhears him trying it, she’s dragging him and harry to the library because, well, parseltongue is a language, why can’t they learn it? so it’s the two of them alternating between hissing at harry and hissing at the basilisk and harry is trying so hard not to laugh because 90% of what they’re saying is utter nonsense and the basilisk doesn’t even bother, because she likes these two humans but wow are they dumb, that’s not how words work.
okay but what makes this even more funny to me is that Harry probably used Trevor and a poached egg from the dining hall to hatch her
(Hermione tried to convince him it wouldn’t work since the egg was, you know, cooked, and was pretty surprised when it did)
Thought you might like this 😊
Thank you for your awesome stories!
omg please someone write this. Pleaaaseeeeeee.
Tag: plot bunny fodder
dlm4:
Minerva McGonagall knew Augusta Longbottom’s Charms score, but she’s not old enough to have taught Neville’s grandmother
So they must have gone to school together and now I’m just picturing this awesome rivalry between the two of them.
- Augusta’s in Ravenclaw, and Minerva’s in Gryffindor and they’re both prefects with damn near perfect grades
- They take a special pleasure in showing one another up in class
- When Minerva gets Head Girl, it crushes Augusta (and maybe Minerva lets up her teasing about the Charms OWL. Maybe. Just a little)
- Two words: Quidditch rivalry
- I mean they both respect each other deep down, but they’re competitive and extremely skilled, and neither one backs down easily
- When they’re paired to practice dueling in DADA they can literally go for hours, and it usually ends in stalemates because the professor just kicks them out
- When they hear people are starting to place bets on their fights, they hunt down the gamblers together, and no one ever really feels like crossing them again
- Albus Dumbledore once remarked it was fortunate that the Sorting Hat put Minerva in Gryffindor because he didn’t think Hogwarts could survive the two of them working together for long
Just saying if anyone wanted to write me a fic about these two I would be 200% on board
If I remember my best interpretation of the numbers right, Walburgia Black would have *also* been in Minerva’s year, which I think is pretty good justification for interpreting it as not a simple rivalry but a three-way feud.
Hufflepuff House is not sure how they managed to avoid getting drawn into this but they’re not complaining.
Head canon that Amelia Bones was in Hogwarts at the same time and represented through Hufflepuff House
No wonder no one remembers Tom Riddle from his school years if everyone was focusing on the rivalry between these 4 witches
“Have you heard about the Head Boy, Mister Riddle?”
“Oh, him? Oh, whatever. He’s so dull. Now, those FOUR WITCHES…”
*makes notes for their utter rewrite of an AU*
October approaches!
In celebration of our cozy online community, I present to you WHUMPTOBER – 31 Days of deliciously painful prompts for your creative pleasure. Visual art, writing, editing – post whatever inspires you!
Treat (or rather, torture) your whumpees to some tantalizing tropes and tag your work with “whumptober“ so others can enjoy your stuff!
(The challenge kicks off on October 1st, feel free to participate as much or as little as you like. DM me if you have Qs. This post will circulate my blog a few times as we near the end of September. Good Luck and Happy Whumping!)
WHUMPTOBER COMETH
@asidian linked me this
What an enabler
Never before has an even *spoken to me* like this. I’m feeling simultaneously dragged and evil.
Stargate meets Star Trek Voyager
Filch has a doctorate in art conservation and has definitely read Hogwarts A History
Actaully speaking of PoA, can we fuckin talk about Filch and his art credentials?
The portrait of the fat lady gets slashed and Dumbledore hands her off to Filch to get restored?
AND FILCH DOES IT, AND DOES IT WELL?
The next time we see her there is NO mention of anything like, oh she’s back but you can kinda see where she was cut… NO. She comes back in PEAK CONDITION.
Restored by Filch, who *has no magic.*
He restored this however many hundreds of year old painting *by hand.*
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH SKILL MUST HAVE BEEN INVOLVED HERE?
This 100% changes the character of Filch. Like I’ve only ever seen him portrayed as this kind of head janitor kind of character, movies style, but like. Why? Why would Hogwarts need that if it’s full of house elves? According to Harry Oblivious Potter, probably cause Dumbledore felt bad and gave him a shitty job but one he could at least do and still be in the wizarding world.
WRONG. It’s cause that’s not his actual job.
Listen.
Dung bomb goes off in a classroom? Long night for the house elves.
Dung bomb goes off in a 300 year old suit of armor? Long six to eight weeks for Argus Filch.
Fanged frisbee tears up an irreplaceable tapestry?
Filch.
Peeves draws dicks on a portrait of the founders?
Filch.
All these damn kids in and out of here every day acting like dumbasses and blowing stuff up when it’s already bad enough they keep tracking dirt and *breathing* all over everything?
Filch.
Now how about, how does Filch know all the secret passages? A combination of things. Probably paintings told him about some. You spend weeks restoring a portrait of someone who helped build the place which lives and moves and speaks in their voice and you’re bound to at least talk a bit, if not learn a few things. But many he probably found on his own, either by wit or by study- he’s gotta be entrenched in tr history of this place. If Binns hadn’t come back as a ghost Filch could probably teach history of magic in his place.
He keeps the place in order such that generations next will still have it, and said generations next show him no god damn respect for that. He’s bitter for a lot of excellent reasons.
…
Spectacular view down to the rhein-valley. The sun hit the mountain top only a couble of minutes earlier.
things to consider for immortal aus where the crew discovered their immorality:
before they met:
- who died first, and where?
- what did everyone think about their immortality when they first discovered it? were they scared? relieved? in disbelief?
- what did they do the years between their discovery and the current times?
- how did everyone find one another?
- how did people find out about each other’s immortality?
- who’s the newest to life as an immortal? how do they handle it?
- the same question goes for the oldest. how much do they know? how much have they witnessed? how much do they remember?
after they met:
- it’s the first death in the crew, and the character comes back to life. how do they react? how does everyone else react?
- do they write it off as a miracle and go about business until they die again and know that something weird is up?
- do they try to test the immortality?
- are they afraid that there’s eventually, one day, going to be a day where someone won’t come back?
- how does the crew react when the second one turns out to be immortal? then the third? and so on and so forth?
and finally…
there’s always some dumb idiot bastard who finds out they’re immortal by doing some dumb shit. who is it?
So I need y’all to understand, it’s not just the treadmill, life with this cat is all yelling all day.
That’s a familiar and I am INFINITELY JEALOUS
SHE I SINGING YOU FOOLS. LET HER SING YOU HER SONGS
Is that Qui Gon Jinn?
*watches the video again because the cat is adorable*
*idly reads the comments in the reblogs, and goes to close the tab*
*brain does a credible imitation of a cartoonish screeching to a halt and scrabbling backward*
Plot bunny fodder. Right. *adds to notes on things that would be fun to add to stories*
Hey u know that Greek God Hephaestus who like lived in the middle of a volcano and made all the weapons for the rest of the gods?
I found him
It does explain his immortality…
Oh my god……. o h m y g o d……….O H M Y G O D
@sasskarian – penny for thoughts???
No, no, hear me out. See, Tony isn’t Hephaestus himself. He takes after his dad a lot, granted, but the son of Hephaestus and Aphrodite, who tried very hard for years and years to be seen as really, seriously, the son of both his parents.
But then the kidnapping thing happened, and well, the inheritance from his mother was not going to get him out, but he still had the skills his father taught him, and the way that fire and metal responded to him, and that COULD get him out. So he uses that.
And when he gets back, he remembers that for all her reputation, his mother never actually did get around as much as everyone likes to think she does, and he tries to be more like her in that respect, rather than playing up his connection to her via her public reputation.
I told you about how we need someone to write us some ‘Jack O’Neill becomes the new head of the Avengers after Fury’ fic right? cause we neeeeeed it.
HAH! Oh that is TERRIFYING and amusing as all get out. 😀
Not it, but I am happy to spread the notion out there!
I typed this all out somewhere before but I can’t remember where but can you imagine the Avengers trying to read Jack in? with Sam, Teal’c and Daniel there for shits and giggles?
Cap: well, I died and came back to life
Daniel looks up at the ceiling
Tony: I am incredibly smart and could probably blow up the Sun
Sam blushes
Thor: I’m actually not a god, I’m an alien
Teal’c suddenly develops an intense cough
Tony: why do I get the feeling you’re not too impressed with all this?
Jack: yeah, well, you see, it’s like this…
HAAAH! ::APPLAUDS::
*blinks* Fuck you both, I already had enough plot bunnies. *adds to things that sound like a lot of fun to play with*
There's a Mirror on the Wall 