If you don’t believe being asexual has any negative affect on people I was told by a psychiatrist that none of my relationships count because we didn’t have sex, and
I can’t say I’m gay since I don’t want to have sex with girls.
and I was taken off my antidepressants because they may be lowering the libido I never had in the first place (plus various other reasons, but still immediately, cold turkey, which should NEVER happen unless they’re switching you to something else)
But aphobia doesn’t exist and asexuals are privileged, right?
Sorry to add to this but I wanted to say since I’ve had bad experiences with mental health professionals and biphobia, I usually get asked “but are you sure you are sexually attracted to both sexes, are you sure it’s not just an emotional attraction?!” Like my dude don’t you think I can tell the difference between wanting to date someone and wanting to be friends? Also, due to be gray ace 90% of the time I am not even attracted to anyone but like sure, make me feel guilty that I can’t “prove” my bisexuality.
Sorry too but to add on, being aro isn’t much different. I told my therapist and she was immediately concerned that my meds were repressing “all my emotions” and wanted to take me off them. My insurance ran out and I went off them bc of no money before that happened. She also suggested dating someone anyway to “fix” the “issue” and expressed concern that my emotions (romantic feelings) weren’t present because “I’m suspicious and untrusting of everyone and don’t want to try hard enough.”
Having your orientation medicalized and invalidated is bad enough, but its fucking dangerous to have your meds taken away because you’re not performing relationships the way some doctor thinks you’re required to.
Aaaand this is why we need the bi/pan/ace/aro alliance.
this is why we need to recognize more queer experiences and identities than gay and lesbian, through increased awareness, information and representation.
I just hope that asexual people are still going to doctors to get checked before assuming they are in fact asexual because it is totally possible they could have a hormonal imbalance or more serious problem and because of the growing, validating community they might not even get checked out first
This is an old attitude that has been used against LGBT+ people for quite some time. It is called pathologization. The goal of pathologization is to find a medical or psychological reason for someone’s sexual, romantic, and/or gender identity. The implication is that the identity is 1) flawed and 2) requires a cure.
Pathologization can be an insidious form of violence. People who promote the idea often suggest that they are merely concerned about the well-being of others and acting in their best interest. The reality is that pathologization can lead to incompetent medical care and medical abuse.
This message is also repeated in the news. For example, Asexuality – Is it Even Real? by Fox News sex expert Dr. Yvonne Fulbright mentions HSDD, asks people to consider other options in her writing, and advises people to seek medical/psychological help if asexuality leads to “interpersonal difficulties.”
The “interpersonal difficulties” asexuals may experience often have to due with (cis)heterosexism and pathologizing attitudes towards asexuality that they may experience from family and peers. So, advising us to seek help for interpersonal difficulties asexuality may “cause” ignores the fact that it is not the cause.
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) is a sexual disorder that involves an absence of desire for sex. This can be used to pathologize asexual people. Some argue that it is harmless because it makes no explicit mention of asexuality in its original description.
The description of HSDD includes experiences asexual people may have. Asexual people often experience low sexual desire. Asexual people also often experience distress due to low sexual desire, because they are expected to experience sexual desire and act on it in a relationship.
In 2013, the DSM V included a disclaimer that self-identification of asexuality precludes diagnosis. This does not completely resolve the pathologization of asexuality, as there are many people who do not “self identify” with asexuality until later on in life due to things like compulsory (hetero)sexuality.
Furthermore, the medical treatments of HSDD are sketchy. For example, a drug dubbed as the “female viagra,” flibanserin, acts to raise sexual desire and lower inhibition. For more reading on the issues with HSDD and flibanserin, please check out the following:
People spend years unnecessarily suffering due to the pathologization of asexuality in our fictional media, in our news, in academic communities, and in our doctor’s offices. Nothing about the OP’s statement acts in the best interest of asexual people, and it villainizes a “validating community.”
Medical care already biases heterosexual people. We require research in order to provide competent medical care to LGBT+ people, because of past harmful attitudes towards these identities. Telling us to get help is not in our best interest. Investing in research that provides asexuals with competent care is.
In addition, statements like the one made above by the OP are particularly harmful to asexual people who are traumatized, disabled, chronically ill, mentally ill, and/or neurodivergent. Our asexuality may be tied to our traumatic, medical, psychological and/or developmental condition(s), but an important part of us nevertheless.
We could spend years trying to fix ourselves to suit an ideal that is perpetuated by our society, or we could accept ourselves and create spaces where we can function as asexual people. We are not required to “check ourselves” in order to be acceptable human beings.
Heterosexual people do not hear this, so why us? There’s no reason for it.
This is not to say to people that they cannot or should not seek out medical care. This is to say that the pathologization of asexuality does more harm than good to asexual people seeking medical care, and that we need to make an effort to provide competent care to asexual people.
There's a Mirror on the Wall 