Put Yourself In the Story, Part 3

This has been a year and more in getting it to a point where I have a scene with an end point. Because fucking brain weasels. But I have it! 😀 (And I am about to start another rewatch of DS9, so it’ll be a bit before I get to where I need to, but still.)

@norcumi @theotherguysride @peachesandscream56 @nyxserpent @booksaresacredspew @aniseandspearmint @queenkit @the-vagabond-tabby

Untitled

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | more to come?

Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
AU: NOS
Word Count: 1933 (6071)
Characters: Me, Elim Garak, Julian Bashir, Benjamin Sisko, Kira Nerys

Breakfast, questions, and the start of answers.

I wake up in the same place I fell asleep, which shouldn’t be a surprise. I’d almost hoped I’d wake back home, with this all having been something between a dream and a nightmare. For a moment, until I rolled over to look where I’d put my backpack the night before, there was a fear – pointless, silly – that while I was here, what I’d had with me when I arrived was not.

It’s still there, everything is still in it, my bear is still in my arms. My tunic is draped over the chair where I’d put my backpack, and the trousers with it. I needed to ask someone about how to get new clothes, so I could have at least two sets. And where to wash my clothes. They had to have laundry facilities somewhere, didn’t they?

For now, hopefully airing it out would be enough.

I’d only just gotten dressed and ventured out into the main room, bear under my arm, to see what sort of breakfast I could get from the replicator when a chime sounded, loud and slightly discordant, as if it were meant for different ears. It took a moment to realize it was the door chime.

The door controls work well enough without having to speak, although I’m not sure I’m so glad to be this close to the person on the other side without more warning than the door chime. Garak is the same height as my brother, but substantially broader, and a good deal more intimidating in person than on the screen.

He smiles almost immediately, taking a half-step backward. “I hope I didn’t wake you, and I am quite sorry for doing so if I did.”

I shook my head, taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment. Words. I need to use words. “I was already awake. Getting breakfast.” I keep my attention on his face for the moment, hyperaware of relative position and my own vulnerability. “Never used a replicator before.”

“If you’re in need of assistance, I’m more than willing to offer mine.” Garak isn’t quite looking straight at me, head tilted just slightly in a manner that I recognize, that puts me ever so slightly at ease. Probably shouldn’t. It is Garak, after all.

I chew on my lip a moment before nodding, stepping back and aside to let him in. Not taking my attention off him, though. Even if he does react in ways that make me think I should be safe, my brain will not stop screaming at me about danger. And I don’t have any anti-anxiety meds with me; they’d all been back at the RV before this happened.

“Just want some bacon and water.” I shift my grip on my bear, hugging him as I watch Garak over my bear’s head. I know it makes me look younger, makes me look more vulnerable, but right now, the comfort is more important.

Garak doesn’t fully turn his back on me, either, moving around to the replicator in a way that allows him to face me when he stops. “It will need a little more information than that, if it’s to provide you with a satisfactory meal.”

“Room temperature water. Crispy, hot bacon in strips. No more than four strips.” I circle around to the small table, so Garak doesn’t have to face away from the replicator. Listening as he tells the replicator what to make – the bacon and water for me, something I don’t recognize the name of for himself.

“So.” Garak sets the plates down, settling across from me with a brief smile. “I understand you have some information you want to share with me regarding a war that hasn’t even begun.”

“Not just you.” I pick at the bacon with one hand, though it’s just a little too hot to eat yet. It smells like bacon, if an unremarkable sort. “Kira and Sisko and Julian, too.”

Garak tilts his head, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little with what I thought was amusement. “I wasn’t aware you and the good doctor were so well acquainted.”

I hug my bear closer, reaching for my water to take a sip. I can feel my cheeks heating, and I want to curl up and hide. I have to work to think of Julian as Bashir, if I’m not writing from the point of view of someone who would think of him so. “Not.”

“If you aren’t, than I find it curious why you would use his given name, rather than his family name.” Garak takes a bite of his food, watching me intently.

Picking up a piece of the bacon, I nibble at it rather than answering, keeping my attention ostensibly on the plate. Aware of the slow movements of Garak eating his bite, taking up the napkin the replicator had given him with his food to wipe his lips.

“The show. Julian, Jadzia, Ziyal, Jake, Keiko. Sisko, Kira, O’Brien, Wynn, Eddington, Sloane, you. Never learned anything but family names for some people. Opaka, Damar, Bariel.” I pause, setting the rest of the slice of bacon down. “Dukat.”

Garak reaches for his own drink. “I am afraid he is quite the annoyance at the moment.”

“Dangerous, foolish, desperate.” I grimace, shaking my head. “Not annoying. Annoying are ignorable. Ignore Dukat, and he does horrible things.”

“Oh?” Garak looks only mildly curious, which either means he isn’t terribly interested, or he’s very interested and is hoping that by downplaying his curiosity, he’ll get me to tell him more.

I just stare at him a moment before looking back down at my bacon, picking up the piece I’d started eating, and nibbling at it again. I’m never very hungry this soon after I wake up, and the few pieces of bacon I have will be enough for now. If I can eat them all, with the worries about everything starting to circle again. How much to tell, how much to keep secret. How much I’ve already revealed with the list of names, though that at least probably isn’t much.

The silence draws out, waiting patiently for either of us to break it – Garak waiting for an answer to his question, while I just bask in the quiet that doesn’t require any filling. And the brain weasels running in circles over things I cannot do anything about yet.

It’s the computer that breaks the silence, requesting connection for Julian Bashir.

I flinched at the sudden sound, and carefully set down the last piece of bacon half-eaten. “Yes.”

“Leri? Are you awake?”

“And almost done breakfast.” Whatever the current meal time is, I have only just gotten up, so mine is breakfast. Thank you.

“Would you mind a visitor?”

“I already have one.” I glance at Garak a moment, who is doing his best to look harmless and innocent. I’m not sure it suits him, though he does a very good impression. “Garak wasn’t polite enough to ask first.”

“You could always have not answered the door.” He smiles genially, and I bury my face in my bear a moment, letting rude words run through my head.

“Visitor. Yes. Bring Sisko and Kira?” I ask after I look up again, glaring at Garak for a long moment. “Only have to answer questions once that way.”

“Of course.” I can all but hear Julian’s smile, the amusement, and wonder how much of it is of the long-suffering sort, knowing Garak for several years already as he has. “Bashir out.”

I pick up my bacon again, nibbling at it slowly to forestall any question Garak might ask now. Or at least to give me an excuse not to answer right away.

I’ve finished breakfast, and returned the empty plate and glass to the replicator for recycling when the door chime sounds again. It still sounds off, and too loud, and I can’t help flinching even as I go to the door. Keeping turned enough to see Garak, who is sitting at the table still, his hands visibly resting on it.

I smile, brief and hopefully cheerful, when I see my expected guests, waving them in, and taking a moment to figure out how to lock the door behind them. I don’t want anyone else to show up and sneak in. This is already enough people to have to talk to.

Turning around, I look at them, Garak standing now as the rest of them are. He’s still smiling, careful and neutral, and Julian is too, trying to be encouraging, I think. Sisko and Kira are both more stoic, though I think Kira is maybe a little puzzled.

“I hope you slept well.” Julian’s smile widens just a little, and I nod. “Did you get enough to eat?”

“Enough of breakfast.” I try to smile again, but I think it’s more a grimace. “Let me go get my laptop.”

I hope there’s enough charge in it to show more than a couple episodes, because I don’t know how to transfer the information off otherwise. And doing that would probably involve telling more people, and I don’t know if I can manage that. Not right now.

I move around the edge of the room to get to the doorway to the other room. Doorway, not a proper door, and I don’t really turn my back on it, either, as I fetch my laptop out of my backpack, juggling it and my bear. Maybe, eventually, I will be able to do that, but not yet, not when I don’t really know anyone, and don’t know the place.

“Doctor Bashir tells me that you have information about a war coming.” Sisko is watching me as I come back out into the main room, glancing briefly at my laptop. His voice is even and steady enough to sound gentle, though I’m not sure if that’s because he’s trying to be gentle or because I need to hear it that way.

“Dominion War.” I set the laptop on the table, dragging the chair I’d used earlier around so I’m facing them while I get it turned on and put the episodes in order. “Soon, I think. Months, maybe, at most.”

I don’t think I’d be able to tell even if I had mapped out the time between episodes and within episodes on a timeline. There’s just too many variables, and it feels like my thoughts are starting to run in circles again, and there’s not enough time and too much information and just.

“Morgyn. Breathe.” Julian is crouching next to me, his voice grounding me in the here-and-now, but not reaching out to touch, same as he had last night. “What’s wrong?”

“Too many things, not enough time.” I rub my fingertips over the edge of my laptop, following it from the dip in the middle of the front to the hinge and back again, over and over. Letting the familiar motion and sensation soothe.

“We don’t have to know everything. Just what you can show us.” Julian smiles, meeting my gaze for only a brief moment before he glances away, up at my laptop. “How does it start?”

“Mines at the wormhole entrance to keep the Jem’Hadar in the Gamma Quadrant, and Dukat promising to take back everything the Cardassians once ruled. Including Bajor and DS9.”

I have the episode on my laptop, and it’s the first one in the player’s queue. It takes only a couple clicks on the trackpad to start it, and I scoot back from the table to let them all watch without being behind me.

Put Yourself In the Story, Part 2

morgynleri:

This is not first-person POV, but then, it’s not a part where I’m physically present, even if I am the topic of conversation. It is also much shorter. Part three will be posted when I figure out how to get past breakfast and attempting to avoid answering questions from Garak.

@norcumi @theotherguysride @peachesandscream56 @nyxserpent @kediil-eperu @booksaresacredspew @aniseandspearmint @queenkit

Untitled

Part 1 | Part 2 | more to come?

Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
AU: NOS
Word Count: 633 (4139)
Characters: Julian Bashir, Benjamin Sisko, Kira Nerys, Elim Garak

There is a discussion among four people about the station’s newest visitor.

“I don’t think there’s any way to have a clear and coherent conversation in a way we would normally interpret it as such until our guest has had a chance to rest.” Julian tilts his head back against the wall, wishing he’d had a chance to get more rest than he had before Odo’s too-early call to the Promenade. “Even then, I’m not certain what will happen. Especially not after even those brief video clips they shared, or Leri’s certainty that there will be a war, and sooner than later, unless I’m completely wrong.”

“And you’re certain Leri is willing to share this information?”

“Only with the four of us.” Julian looks up, giving his audience a wry smile. Sisko is stoic as he has been of late, though Julian can see the worry in his captain’s eyes. Not to be remarked upon, though. Kira looks frustrated, if as worried as Sisko.

Keep reading

Reblogging because I’m going to post the third part shortly.

lacefedora:

“Hey Lace are you ever gonna stop drawing halo pictures?”

The answer is apparently NOPE. I’ve now started in on Trek characters.

THUS Kira Nerys with a Bajoran inspired halo. I fucking love Kira, don’t you? She’s such a beautiful and complex character.

(any future Star Trek halos will be tagged with ST halos)

for the 6 characters: Dukat, Keiko O’Brien, Julian Bashir, Odo, Weyoun, Kira Nerys

For this meme.

Push off a cliff: Weyoun
Kiss: Keiko O’Brien (on the cheek)
Marry: Odo (because aro-ace, and it would give both of us a way to make anyone who asks shut up about relationships without having to worry about romance or sex)
Set on Fire: Dukat
Wrap a Blanket around: Kira Nerys (because she deserves the comfort of someone just willing to offer warmth and a shoulder to lean on)
Be Roommates with: Julian Bashir (just please give me good sound proofing for bedrooms, I do not want to know when he’s entertaining over night)

Star Trek: Voyager

morgynleri:

morgynleri:

morgynleri:

Recently started a rewatch of Voyager that feels more like a first watch because I think the last time I watched the episodes was when they were airing originally.

So, going along, skipped an episode somewhere, and currently on S1E14, Jetrel.

And the titular character of the episode seems familiar, so I go look him up on IMDb. There is promptly screeching, and not good screeching. Jetrel is played by James Sloyan. Who also plays Doctor Mora on DS9. And so far is 2 out of 2 in “I would like to string this character up by his entrails”.

Neelix, however, is a delightful little shit who tells stories with a pointed moral to them while dealing with Jetrel, and deliberately needling him. Since he was cajoled into having to deal with said asswipe.

I remain unconvinced this character isn’t lying about something somewhere.

Ah! That’s probably the lie. He’s showing signs of something being wrong, and I’m laying bets it’s exactly what he says he’s searching for a cure to. Which, even if he does want to help the others who have been effected by his damned weapon, he should have been honest with someone on the crew that he’s not just doing this for others, but for himself. If not immediately, than at this point, where he stumbles and almost falls and it’s clear something is wrong.

All he does is brush it off as tired and excited. Hrumph.

(I can understand that people do that in real life, and for so many different reasons. It still makes me glare at the screen when it’s part of a plot line.)

… Just because he’s angry at himself for what he percieves as cowerdice (whatever anyone else thinks of it) does not mean he can’t also be jusitfiably angry with the man who developed the weapon which wiped out a city and his family along with it.

*thumps head on desk for a moment* Hello, I have certain things that frustrate the fuck me when they show up in my fiction, whether they’re realistic or not.

Sometimes, for all that it is a good and useful ideal, the level of forgiveness for wrongs done on Star Trek bothers me. A lot of times because there is forgiveness without those who have done wrong having made a concerted effort to change their behavior. Or, sometimes, any effort.

And for me, there is a limit to forgiveness. That limit is when those who have actively done harm have not made an effort to change those behaviors which have done that harm.

When someone continues to emotionally abuse their victim, and their victim forgives them for it. Repeatedly, even. (DS9: Odo. Julian.)

When someone who has caused the deaths of millions justifies themselves by saying it is all for science, claims to have no regrets, and instead of trying to provide assistance for the living, has the unmitigated arrogance to attempt to ressurect their victims to put them through the pain and trauma of learning that their people are subjugated, their world is destroyed, and it has been fifteen long years since thier death. (Voyager: see also this entire reblog chain)

Just.

Everything is forgiven, because one must forgive the unforgiveable. It doesn’t matter how much harm has been done, what harm continues to be done, forgiveness is all important. Because you can’t move on without forgiving those who have harmed and continue to harm you.

And. NO. No.

One can move on without forgiving those who have done one harm. One can grow and heal without having to forgive. FORGIVENESS IS NOT MANDATORY FOR RECOVERY. And I will yell this at my screen while rewatching various Star Trek for a while.

Two episodes with the large part at the center skipped because a lot of nope, and a few other episodes later, and oh look, it’s another episode of “but everyone wants romance and/or sex, because if they don’t, they’re broken”.

*thumps head on desk* Damnit.

(Also, no matter what the lines are, or the facial expressions, there’s something missing in the interactions between them. Like Odo is going through the motions of something that he understands from observation, but doesn’t actually feel.)

DS9 Meta

So, just finished watching the episode where Odo and Lwaxana get married, and I’m thinking about it, and comparing my reaction with my reaction to the episode I refused to finish last night. Which was the one where Kira and Shakaar get together, and at the point I stopped before I started the lots of internal screaming, Odo was about to fuck up at his job because he’s distracted by them, their closeness, and possibly his jealousy over some aspect of it.

I get far more cranky over that episode than the one where he passionately defends his love for Lwaxana and desire to marry her, and not just because it’s the cliche of the love triangle. To the point of, as I said, internal screaming. (Only not external screaming because I tend to prefer to be a physically quiet person. People tend to underestimate me that way.)

So, the question becomes why?

My usual interpretation of Odo is an aro-ace character who is randomly forced into this unnatural romance plot with Kira, and there’s at least one episode he apparently is interested in sex, and I made faces at that. Because all of those bits tend to read as “everyone must be interested in romance and/or sex, it’s unnatural and wrong not to want it”.

If I try to read it as something in universe? Odo is a neurodivergent aro-ace who is trying to mimic the social cues of romance that he sees around him in an attempt to better fit in. And sometimes that’s enough to be able to watch the episode I did not finish last night, because I can read it as “Odo is distracted by attempting to observe how romance works between (Bajoran) humanoids”, if only just. It keeps the screaming to a dull roar and I can make it through the episode, and the next one I watch can be the calming down episode.

It still doesn’t really make sense, because Odo doesn’t let his need to observe humanoid behavior interfere in doing his job, and yet, suddenly, because Kira is involved, he fails to do his job to his usual standard, and they’re put in danger because of it.

So. Yeah. Lots of screaming.

And yet, Odo getting married to Lwaxana doesn’t make me scream, and it’s not because Odo and Lwaxana have any more chemistry than Odo and Kira.

I think, honestly, it’s because his entire speech reads as someone who has found a soulmate. A platonic soul mate who made an effort to understand him. Who has a lot of her own defenses to hide who she is, and understands the need to apppear different from who a person actually is. And he does love her for it, dearly. But it’s not romantic love.

And their marriage is for her sake. He’s doing this to protect her reproductive rights as her culture understands them. Treating her as a person whose opinions and desires matter, rather than an object to be owned (as the person she’s married to at the beginning of the episode has been treating her).

That she then makes the decision to go back home at the end, to give Odo the room to be himself, and not have her unrequited romantic love for him potentially ruin their friendship, just. It makes me so happy. She is someone who is very much interested in romance and sex who doesn’t have any interest in changing her aro-ace partner. Who doesn’t treat Odo as broken or unnatural for having no desire for either romance or sex.

Yes, it takes her a while to understand it, but she makes the effort where, as far as I can tell, no one else actually does. Quark seems to be the only person who goes out of his way to imply that Odo’s lack of sexual or romantic interest is unnatural, but no one makes any effort to say “yeah, it’s normal, there are humanoids like that too”, either.

Just. I really appreciate the acting in the episode that took what could have been something written as romantic and turned it into a platonic awesomeness without taking away the love of it.

Garashir, “It’s lonely here without you” for the prompt thingie pretty please?

53: “ It’s lonely here without you. ”

For this set of prompts. I’m still taking more.

When All Others Sleep

Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
AU: Children of the Order
Series: Tumblr Prompt Fic
Word Count: 786
Characters: Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Enabran Tain, Kira Nerys
Ships: Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

“It’s lonely here without you, Elim.”

He whispers the words into the stillness of the night, though he knows Elim will never hear them. So far away, safe on the Bajoran space station with Nerys. On the far side of a wormhole, and without the faintest idea that Julian is still alive.

“He wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment.” Tain’s voice is quieter than Julian’s had been, and Julian lets a bitter little smile curl his lips. He should have known that Tain wouldn’t sleep. Should have known that Tain would hear him, as close as their cots are to each other in this shared cell.

“You might be surprised what sentiment Elim would appreciate.” Julian remains still on his cot, listening for the sounds of the Jem’Hadar guards patrolling. Even with a proper Cardassian face, his hearing is still human-standard, courtesy of the work of Adigeon Prime when he was a child. “And even if he did not, the statement remains true.”

Tain snorts quietly. “Perhaps.” There’s a brief pause, with only the quiet snores of Martok to break the silence. “I am surprised you would express such a sentiment yourself.”

Julian doesn’t allow himself to voice a reply to Tain’s observation immediately. Perhaps once he might not have spoken that sentiment, and even now, if he’d known Tain were awake, he might have kept the words behind his teeth. Hidden the depths of his weakness, of his affection for Elim. There are enough of his weaknesses to be seen on Bajor and their space station, after all. He doesn’t need to be seen to have yet another.

“What is spoken in the night when all others sleep, and even the Order is far away, is of no consequence.”

The silence from Tain is full of what is not said, and Julian smiles to himelf when it remains quiet.

It’s lonely without you here.

The words are a human sentiment, a single layer in a carefully coded message that carries more than one piece of information. Words that emerged from the data when he’d run it through Suroi’s favored cipher, a habit he has not lost despite the uselessness of it.

“What is it?” Kira had brought lunch to his shop, since he wasn’t going to do the favor she’d relayed from Sisko out in the open. Even if the data had been nothing but noise, the ciphers he knows are not to be shared.

“Nothing.” Garak shakes his head, allowing himself a brief smile. “I’m afraid there’s nothing more important to this than a planetary survey. Not even any planets worth taking a second look at.”

Kira narrows her eyes, fingers tightening on her fork. “And unofficially?”

“There is, as I said, nothing.” Garak erases his work with an idle swipe of a finger, leaving only the original data to be seen by anyone who looked. He isn’t certain he wants to put anyone else at risk if he’s wrong about what the message contained.

The rest of lunch passes without any comment on his evasion by Kira, and the day itself is otherwise routine. When he makes his way to a runabout as the watch changed, though, he’s unsurprised to find Kira waiting for him.

“Who was the message from?” Kira has one of the Starfleet phasers that come with the runabouts aimed at him, and Garak isn’t fool enough to think she won’t shoot him. Perhaps she might be polite enough to kill him, but even that he cannot be sure of.

“I’m afraid I can’t be sure.” That much is true, as far as it goes. Suroi – Julian, Bahri – had died with Tain, as far as Garak is aware, in Tain’s ill-fated attempt to destroy the Dominion before they could become an enemy.

“Than I can’t be sure I should let you steal a runabout.” Kira smiles, the expression almost what humans would call sweet, if they didn’t know her. Garak has to will himself not to check that he isn’t bleeding. A smile cannot kill him by itself.

He is silent a moment, watching Kira as he debates the intelligence of sharing what he suspects. “The message is three layers. Coordinates, the planetary survey, and five words in Bajora.”

“What words?”

“It’s lonely without you here.”

Kira’s fingers tighten on the phaser for a moment, and she lets out a slow, careful breath before she lowers it. “Where are the coordinates?”

“The Gamma Quadrant.” Garak keeps his hands off the controls until Kira begins to run the first pre-flight checks. Aiding him with what may be a fool’s errand, for only the hope that they might find one person.

He can only hope he doesn’t regret the entire venture.

guljerry:

Damar actually realized that he was wrong and that Cardassia needed to change. He put aside his alcoholism, he realized that he needed to listen to Kira and take direction from her, which was a BIG FUCKING DEAL for any Cardassian to do. He stood up to his Cardassian men and told them to listen to her–specifically his best friend, too. He realized that his prejudices were damaging and that just following along was not the right thing to do or the correct way to serve the state nor was it what Cardassia needed. He became greater than the stereotypical Cardassian that is churned out by State propaganda and began to think for himself and learn how to change his thinking–something that is very important. Does any of this forgive his previous ‘crimes’? Of course it doesn’t.

But a majority of fandom seems to still think he’s the biggest piece of shit who has ever existed while some of the same people easily forgive Garak or Dukat their crimes. It’s pretty wild. Garak was willing to commit genocide, but he’s okay. He’s murdered countless people for the Order–eh. Dukat raped Bajoran women, oh well. A non Cardassian person… Quark. He threatened to fire an employee if she didn’t do sexual favors for him. He tried to also put something like that in work contracts. He thinks women should be servile and naked and men should be above all. Oh well, he’s gross-cute. Damar is forever an unforgivable asshole because he killed Ziyal.

????

#Garak killed people too but he’s a fluffy fandom bunny

11 and kira nerys please :)

ladyyatexel: