what society needs to understand is that friendship and romance are not ranks, tiers, or levels. they are not above or below each other. romance is not a promotion. friendship is not a demotion. romance is not “more than” being friends with someone. friendship and romance are concepts that exist on equal terms, side by side. sometimes they happen to coincide. other times they never intersect at all. how relationships are classified is up to the individuals involved but like?? neither is inherently more or less valuable is the thing
love can really save people, and i’m not talking about romantic love. i’m talking about platonic, wholesome, unselfish love that demands nothing in return other than that person’s safety, happiness, and well-being. love for the sake of love. i think this kind of love is wonderful.
Yesterday, I was trawling iTunes for a decent podcast about writing. After a while, I gave up, because 90% of them talked incessantly about “self-discipline,” “making writing a habit,” “getting your butt in the chair,” “getting yourself to write.” To me, that’s six flavors of fucked up.
Okay, yes—I see why we might want to “make writing a habit.” If we want to finish anything, we’ll have to write at least semi-regularly. In practical terms, I get it.
But maybe before we force our butts into chairs, we should ask why it’s so hard to “get” ourselves to write. We aren’t acting randomly; our brains say “I don’t want to do this” for a reason. We should take that reason seriously.
Most of us resist writing because it hurts and it’s hard. Well, you say, writing isn’t supposed to be easy—but there’s hard, and then there’s hard. For many of us, sitting down to write feels like being asked to solve a problem that is both urgent and unsolvable—“I have to, but it’s impossible, but I have to, but it’s impossible.” It feels fucking awful, so naturally we avoid it.
We can’t “make writing a habit,” then, until we make it less painful. Something we don’t just “get” ourselves to do.
The “make writing a habit” people are trying to do that, in their way. If you do something regularly, the theory goes, you stop dreading it with such special intensity because it just becomes a thing you do. But my god, if you’re still in that “dreading it” phase and someone tells you to “make writing a habit,” that sounds horrible.
So many of us already dismiss our own pain constantly. If we turn writing into another occasion for mute suffering, for numb and joyless endurance, we 1) will not write more, and 2) should not write more, because we should not intentionally hurt ourselves.
Seriously. If you want to write more, don’t ask, “how can I make myself write?” Ask, “why is writing so painful for me and how can I ease that pain?” Show some compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for not being the person you wish you were and treat the person you are with some basic decency. Give yourself a fucking break for avoiding a thing that makes you feel awful.
Here’s what stops more people from writing than anything else: shame. That creeping, nagging sense of ‘should be,’ ‘should have been,’ and ‘if only I had…’ Shame lives in the body, it clenches our muscles when we sit at the keyboard, takes up valuable mental space with useless, repetitive conversations. Shame, and the resulting paralysis, are what happen when the whole world drills into you that you should be writing every day and you’re not.
The antidote, he says, is to treat yourself kindly:
For me, writing always begins with self-forgiveness. I don’t sit down and rush headlong into the blank page. I make coffee. I put on a song I like. I drink the coffee, listen to the song. I don’t write. Beginning with forgiveness revolutionizes the writing process, returns its being to a journey of creativity rather than an exercise in self-flagellation. I forgive myself for not sitting down to write sooner, for taking yesterday off, for living my life. That shame? I release it. My body unclenches; a new lightness takes over once that burden has floated off. There is room, now, for story, idea, life.
Writing has the potential to bring us so much joy. Why else would we wantto do it? But first we’ve got to unlearn the pain and dread and anxiety and shame attached to writing—not just so we can write more, but for our own sakes! Forget “making writing a habit”—how about “being less miserable”? That’s a worthy goal too!
Luckily, there are ways to do this. But before I get into them, please absorb this lesson: if you want to write, start by valuing your own well-being. Start by forgiving yourself. And listen to yourself when something hurts.
I want you to reblog this if you believe that two people can be very close and physically affectionate with one another, but still have a completely nonsexual, non-romantic relationship.
Even if the two people in question are capable of being sexually or romantically attracted to one another.
Because the friendship I share with someone I consider family in a way that transcends blood has been typecast as a romantic relationship ENTIRELY too many times, and I’m beginning to get sick of it.
I was curious about something, because with the light of the Amazon announcements, I realized that as a fandom, we treat Christopher, Tolkien’s 2nd youngest child, like he’s a second JRR Tolkien–and don’t get me wrong, I love his work with the Histories, but I realized a major error in our fandom as well.
For all our talk of “but what about women in Tolkien’s works” I realized that there are no search results for his only daughter and youngest of his children. Not on tumblr at least.She’s not devoid of interaction, either, as she has written articles, given talks, and supported general fanworks (such as the Tolkien Ensemble).
She co-published the Tolkien Family Album, with her older brother, John (now deceased).
Why does it bother me so much that she has no search results, despite also the severe irony of “We only care about his surviving son, and not at all his only daughter, who her parents had long hoped for.”? Because all of his children are extremely crucial to his work, and not just his sons.
Frodo is named after her stuffed bear (Bingo Bolger-Baggins), which is highly delightful to me. He eventually altered the name, obviously, to Frodo.
She attends the Oxonmoots frequently.
She has a BA degree in English and worked as a social worker. (Hence why she isn’t so “famous” as her older brother.)
She is a member of the Tolkien Society (last I checked, honorary VP).
As Tolkien’s only daughter, Priscilla has noted her father’s “complete belief in higher education for girls; never in my early life or since did I feel that any difference was made between me and my brothers, so far as our educational needs and opportunities were concerned.” [x]
She typed out some of the early chapters of Lord of the Rings for her father (around the age of 14).
She is one of the founding members of the Tolkien Trust, along with her three brothers.
My point isn’t to devalue Christopher at all, but rather to highlight that while the brothers are important to Tolkien’s works, so was his daughter and for some reason, at least among the American fandom, I almost always see Christopher the only mentioned surviving Tolkien when Priscilla is still alive and active. I get why we don’t have search results for John Francis Reuel Tolkien (his name is so similar to JRR’s, obviously), but you do have results for Michael Tolkien (one tagged post, it seems, but still far more than Priscilla has; she doesn’t even have general Tolkien posts pop up for her as her brothers do).
I’d also like to point out that while Christopher is no longer a board officer of the Tolkien Estate, his younger sister is. Just because she didn’t write the Histories doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about her father’s work.
Just for once I’d like to tell the gate agents and flight attendants that my folding wheelchair is going into the onboard closet and not have them tell me there’s “no room”. Bitch that’s a wheelchair closet, not a “your bags” closet. Move your damn bags where they belong.
Ok, so according to my friendly aviation expert, this is a Big Fucking Deal. In fact, if an airline argues with you about putting your wheelchair in the wheelchair closet or even suggests there may not be room, unless there is already anotherpassenger’swheelchair in that closet, they have violatedfederallaw.
CFR Title 14, Chapter II, Subchapter D, Part 382, Subpart E, Section 382.67, Subsection (e)
“As a carrier, you must never request or suggest that a passenger not stow his or her wheelchair in the cabin to accommodate other passengers (e.g., informing a passenger that stowing his or her wheelchair in the cabin will require other passengers to be removed from the flight), or for any other non-safety related reason (e.g., that it is easier for the carrier if the wheelchair is stowed in the cargo compartment).”
This is hugely important because it means that if this happens to you, you should report their asses to the DOT. Why? Because these statistics are published every year for every airline, and the airline gets a huge ass fine for every violation. If we want to see change, we need to make airlines literally pay every time they treat us this way.
I’ve been flying for 35 years and never knew they were wheelchair closets. Mind=blown.
Under US law, any plane with 100 seats or more built or retrofitted in the last 20 years (which is pretty much any plane that size flying at this point) must have an onboard wheelchair closet that will hold a folding wheelchair that is 13" x 36" x 42" or smaller when folded. The first passenger with a wheelchair to preboard gets to put their wheelchair in this closet. Basically it’s first come first serve during preboarding. Anything else in there, including other passengers’ stuff, an aisle wheelchair, or the flight attendants’ luggage has to come out. (This is why the FAs get pissy about it.) And by law there has to be a sign on the closet door stating that it’s a wheelchair closet. So there’s zero excuse for flight attendants trying to claim they didn’t know it was for wheelchairs.
If your chair doesn’t fold down to this size but will fit in the closet with the wheels or back or whatever removed, and the wheels or back or whatever can come off without using tools, not only do they still have to let you put your wheelchair in this closet or in the overhead storage, they have to help you take it apart. If no one has a wheelchair, preboarding passengers with other mobility equipment (walkers, canes, etc.) get priority to store their mobility equipment in this closet.
Seriously, the more I read the law, the more pissed off I get. It’s incredibly clear. That’s a wheelchair closet, you have to let me put my wheelchair in there, and if you even suggest I put it anywhere else you’re in violation of federal law. And this has been the law in the USA for twentyyears.
Please note that this is US law and applies to any flight that is wholly within the US plus any flight that either originates or terminates within the US, regardless of whether the airline is a US airline. I believe it also applies to any flights on any US airline even if the flight is wholly outside the US (for example a Delta Airlines flight from Tokyo to Singapore), but you’ll want to check that before you fly.
If you’re a Non-Muslim and you see a Muslim praying in public, could you please not pass in front of them?
Go behind them, but not in front. 👍
Oh, signal boost! I didn’t know this.
Okay, but also: if you see a Muslim praying in public and they have something in front of them, like a purse or a bag or something like that, you can pass in front of them, but pass in front of that object.
it’s called a sutrah, and it’s meant to act as a physical barrier between the person praying and someone who might happen to pass in front.
Also, if you did this and didn’t know, please don’t beat yourself up over it. Now you know! Muslims aren’t supposed to pass in front of Muslims praying, either, because prayer is communication with God and you don’t want to break that connection.
Spread culture, respect customs, be good people. Simple as that.
Didn’t know this.
Reblogging again
THE AMOUNTS OF REBLOGS THIS HAS JUST MAKES ME SO HAPPY
S I G N A L B O O S T
Reblog forever !
Similarly, if a Jew is saying the Shemonah Esrei prayer (whispered, moving only the mouth, standing facing east with legs together) don’t go in front unless there’s a barrier.
no no no you can’t just make up the name of an object/material – better research that shit…. *checks Wookieepedia* Wow… that’s… even more stupid than I could have imagined.
You absolutely can make up names. I do it all the time.
The trick is to realize that the Expanded Universe is just fanfic that happens to be published in book form. It’s no more canon than any other fic. You can use its fanon if you want, but you’re not bound to it.
The vast majority of “spacey-sounding” names in Star Wars come from the EU. There’s actually very little technical jargon in the films, and there’s no ridiculous Space Profanity either. People say “hell” and “damn”, not “Sithspawn” or whatever nonsense the EU is using this week. If the movies weren’t PG, Han Solo would definitely say “shit” and “fuck”.
There's a Mirror on the Wall 