sophrosynic:

lovelysuggestions:

do not put up with passive agression. the people in your life should respect you enough to be straight forward with you. If someone does not come to you directly with an issue, it is not yours too fix. you can’t spend all your time picking apart your relationship with someone, searching for what you did, and blaming yourself when you don’t even know what for. it’s not fair for people to put you through that.

equally as important–learn to dismantle the impulse to be passive aggressive on your end. cultivate the skills required to be honest and accountable about your feelings, not just to the people around you, but also for your own sake. it’s when you learn to be honest to yourself about what you’re feeling that you really start to flourish.

Christianormativity

amemait:

starlightomatic:

So, I’ve seen a lot of fanfics about Tina and Queenie Goldstein celebrating Christmas.  I’ve also heard that people are using Christian theology in their tributes to Carrie Fisher.  When called out, people do a few things; claim that they just wanted to write a nice fic or tribute and didn’t mean to erase the person’s Jewishness, state that the character or person wasn’t really Jewish because they weren’t that religious, or state that religion shouldn’t be considered important.

So let’s talk about this.  What’s going on here is Christianormativity.  This refers to the fact that those of us in the US live in a society based on Christianity.  This doesn’t mean that everyone believes in Jesus; it means that mores and customs are based in Christianity, and that people’s idea of what “religion” is is based in Christianity.  It manifests in people having Jewish characters celebrate Christmas because to them, Christmas isn’t a Christian holiday, it’s just a holiday.  Everyone celebrates it, right?  And using Christian theology to publicly mourn isn’t Christian mourning, it’s just mourning, right?

To understand why Jews see it differently, we need to understand the difference between Christianity and Judaism.

According to Christianity, a person is Christian if they accept Jesus Christ as their lord and savior.  As far as I understand it, if someone ceases to believe this, then they are no longer Christian, no matter how they were raised or what holidays they celebrate.  They now are just a regular, non-religious person.  Since you can stop being Christian and still celebrate Christmas, that makes Christmas not a Christian holiday, right?  

If we define religion based on Christianity, the definition of a religion is “a set of metaphysical beliefs about the world” and an adherent of a religion is “someone who believes those beliefs.”  Christians look at the world and see many other religions:  Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism… and say “okay, I understand this, those are different sets of beliefs that people have.”

But the thing is, that definition of religion is one of the beliefs of Christianity.  People from different religions don’t define their religion that way.

Judaism/Jewishness is an ethnoreligion.  Being Jewish involves heritage more than anything, and culture second to that.  Religion is inextricably tied in, as I’ll discuss, notably in that conversion to Judaism is a religious process that confers virtual Jewish heritage on the convert.  Judaism is a religion in the sense that it is a set of beliefs and practices, but Jewishness is about heritage and culture.

Confusing?  Okay, let’s break it down a bit more.  Jews, before anything else, were a tribe.  We were a tribe with a religion, and our tribal narrative is inextricably tied to that religion.  Anyone part of that tribe is Jewish.  And not everyone in that tribe chooses to practice religion.  Judaism – the religion – believes that everyone in the tribe should practice the religion, but even if someone doesn’t, they’re still Jewish.  It’s kind of like how your mom wants you to do your work, get exercise, and go to sleep early, but you’re still her kid even if you don’t do those things.

But it’s still not even that simple.  For one thing, the definitions of terms I’ve given aren’t clear-cut or universally accepted:  A practitioner of Judaism could accurately describe themself as Jewish.  Another is that whether someone is a practitioner of Judaism isn’t clear-cut either.  The first thing to know is that, as the word “practitioner” should imply, whether you are one depends on what you do rather than what you believe.  Which isn’t to say that Judaism doesn’t have a belief system, but again, you can still practice Judaism without that.  It’s sort of like how you can do your homework even if you don’t accept the views your professor is teaching.  And even with that, there is a pretty wide range of theological belief that can fit into the Jewish system if you’re clever (I once managed to pray the evening prayers, which talk pretty explicitly about an omniscient, personified God, while interpreting them to be about an abstract Force-like God, convincingly enough that I had a legit spiritual experience.)

But it’s… still more complicated!  Because Jewish practice isn’t a simple binary, 0 or 1 (unless you’re a Jewish robot, but I think that’s beyond the scope of this post).  You can participate in some practices, but not others.  You can participate constantly throughout the day, or once a week, or once a year.  You can do something by yourself in your house or publicly at a synagogue.  Also, Jewish culture is inextricably tied to religion.  So you can choose to participate only in the culture, but if you celebrate the holidays, you’ll be engaging in practices that, according to Judaism the religion, have religious meaning – even if the religious part is not what it’s about for you.

So, what does all this mean about Christianity and Christmas?  It means that according to Judaism, there is no such thing as a non-religious holiday, no matter how many non-religious people celebrate it.  Beyond that, Christianormativity means that Christians see their own holidays as universal, and everyone else’s holidays as Other.  But to someone who is Jewish, it’s the opposite!  Our own holidays are familiar to us.  Christmas comes from Christian culture, and to many of us it is fundamentally foreign and Other.  We have a taboo against celebrating it, because of what it represents – assimilation into the majority culture and giving up our own.  That perception is changing now, but it is still very present for many of us.

And it means that from our perspective, non-religious people with Christian heritage who celebrate Christian holidays are Christian.  We don’t mean they’re religious, we mean they’re secular Christians.  Wait, what?  But that makes no sense!  “Secular Christian” is an oxymoron!  Well, yes, intellectually I know that.  Which is why I’ve avoided the term and instead referred to “people with Christian heritage who celebrate Christian holidays.”  There’s no term for these people because to most Americans, they don’t need a name, because they’re Just Regular People.  And in that vain, secular Jews are Just Regular People too, right?  Well… many do see themselves that way, after decades of living in a Christianormative culture.  But many don’t.  Many see themselves as Jewish.

Basically, because of the info I mentioned before, a person can be a Jewish atheist or a Jewish agnostic.  And because of the different ways Christianity defines itself and Judaism defines itself, saying “she wasn’t Jewish, she was agnostic” is just as nonsensical – and just as culturally ignorant – as saying “secular Christian.”

So.  Tina and Queenie Goldstein do not have a Christmas tree and they do not host Christmas dinner.

And Carrie Fisher, may her memory be for a blessing, was an amazing agnostic Jewish mentally ill activist feminist strong beatiful Space Mom who drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

This is lovely to learn.

star-anise:

When I was younger and more abled, I was so fucking on board with the fantasy genre’s subversion of traditional femininity. We weren’t just fainting maidens locked up in towers; we could do anything men could do, be as strong or as physical or as violent. I got into western martial arts and learned to fight with a rapier, fell in love with the longsword.

But since I’ve gotten too disabled to fight anymore, I… find myself coming back to that maiden in a tower. It’s that funny thing, where subverting femininity is powerful for the people who have always been forced into it… but for the people who have always been excluded, the powerful thing can be embracing it.

As I’m disabled, as I say to groups of friends, “I can’t walk that far,” as I’m in too much pain to keep partying, I find myself worrying: I’m boring, too quiet, too stationary, irrelevant. The message sent to the disabled is: You’re out of the narrative, you’re secondary, you’re a burden.

The remarkable thing about the maiden in her tower is not her immobility; it’s common for disabled people to be abandoned, set adrift, waiting at bus stops or watching out the windows, forgotten in institutions or stranded in our houses. The remarkable thing is that she’s like a beacon, turning her tower into a lighthouse; people want to come to her, she’s important, she inspires through her appearance and words and craftwork.  In medieval romances she gives gifts, write letters, sends messengers, and summons lovers; she plays chess, commissions ballads, composes music, commands knights. She is her household’s moral centre in a castle under siege. She is a castle unto herself, and the integrity of her body matters.

That can be so revolutionary to those of us stuck in our towers who fall prey to thinking: Nobody would want to visit; nobody would want to listen; nobody would want to stay.

queeranarchism:

pblomgr1:

These are the solutions we need to policing right now.
Remember: the problem cannot be solved by technocratic solutions (i.e. body cams, further trainings, etc.)
The problem is policing itself.

This is the sort of shit I am talking about when I say we need to only talk about getting rid of police but also about what sort of actual safety could replace it.

And no, it is not enough for this to exist ‘next to the police’. The harm is in the fact that circumstances of personal and interpersonal harm are viewed through the lens of law and punishment. 

The moment we take the concept of laws & punishment completely off the table and start thinking in needs and how to provide them, we become capable of seeing what is needed to achieve actual safety.

mikkeneko:

dameronfinn:

Originals First – We are a people with a past, not a people of the past.

modern native americans are like the embodiment of the meme

Americans: “In ancient days when the first europeans discovered America, native americans lived across the land…”

Native Americans: “STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M DEAD”

Americans: “Sometimes we can still hear their voices, echoing across the centuries…”

Native Americans: “WE’RE STILL RIGHT HERE YA COLONIZING BASTARDS”

A bit about what Garak and Andy really mean to me.

guljerry:

I was just thinking about how
much Garak means to me as a queer person because he’s a queer character and how
grateful I am that Andy has kept being insistent all these years upon Garak
being pansexual even when corporate people were pushing against it. I wanted to
talk about how I see Garak as a positive role model–which is probably fucking
weird as hell since he is a spy, assassin, torturer, and a number of
other ‘nasty’ things.

But there are so few queer characters, and Garak is strong,
clever, intelligent, witty, loyal, creative, and unashamed of himself as far as
his sexuality and gender expressions go. Garak is portrayed at times as
effeminate, and yet he will fucking kill you, okay? It’s so powerful and awesome
that Garak embodies BOTH these things. I mean we live in a culture where
strength = masculinity, and effeminate men are portrayed as being ‘weak’
which ties right into women being portray as ‘weak’ too. Garak says fuck
that shit I am a badass, and I can also make you a lovely cocktail dress that
will turn all the heads, and either way I will blow your fucking mind.

I was thinking about how Garak must deal with claustrophobia,
crippling anxiety, addiction, and probably depression too though that’s not as
explicitly indicated in the show. But no doubt he has felt that in being an
exile–he felt so bad that he turned on his wire just to escape and to deal with
his life. Garak has many emotional problems, but he stays alive. He keeps
fighting. He keeps doing his thing. He is an outsider on this station full of
people who are not like him, full of people who hate him, full of people who’d
probably rather see him dead–and if that doesn’t sound like the shit that is
going on in the U.S. regarding the LGBT community and other minority groups, I
don’t know what does. Many of us live in this place where we feel like we are
lost, unwanted, feared, loathed, treated as people who are disgusting, wrong,
and undeserving of a happy and productive life. A lot of us in the LGBT
community feel like outsiders, like exiles in our own world. But Garak keeps
moving on. Not only that, but at the end of things, he gets to go home again.

His home is destroyed by war, but he does get to go home. He
gets to find his place again. There is still some bit of hope there even though
so much bad has happened. To me… that kind of gives me hope that maybe I will
find my place one day too.

I just love Garak so much, and there are so many reasons why,
but these reasons are deep and personal. I think there are a lot of other
people who understand this too. Garak does seem to be a favorite among queer
folks in this fandom and the reasons are obvious.

I’m so thankful that Andy made the choices he did, was bold
enough and brave enough to say, ‘fuck it I’m going to do this’, has been
consistent through the years in insisting that Garak is queer, and that he
portrayed this amazing, complex, character who faces so many obstacles but he
keeps on going and living even if it’s only out of spite, or instinct, or
whatever.

After the election, there were tons of helplines and suicide
prevention numbers all over my facebook feed because people in the LGBTQIA
community were so terrified. We still are. Our country has elected a man whose
platform would see our marriages ended, our rights taken away, our people
forced into torturous conversion therapy, and hormone therapy ended for those
who are transgender or nonbinary. My best friend was very upset over the
election and at one point I told her–we must keep fighting. Garak and Damar
wouldn’t give up. I was thinking about them huddled down in the basement while
outside Cardassia is being destroyed by their enemies, about them facing the
Jem’Hadar, Garak charging forward screaming FOR CARDASSIA. Later she told me
that it was ‘silly’ but that telling her that they would not give up had
helped her find a source from which to draw strength.

Sometimes shows are just shows, stories are just stories, and
characters are just characters.

But sometimes they are so much more than that.

I hope that Andy really knows how much he is appreciated, and
how much of an impact he has had on some of us. A lot of us have few people who
stand by our side. It is good to know that on a fictional space station there
is this guy with scales and a well-tailored tunic who would sit down with us at
lunch and tell us that we are okay.

dynamicsymmetry:

kaijuno:

People always gloss over how mentally damaging it can be to work in retail. I fucking hate that whenever I say “I could never work in retail again” someone has to reply “You snowflake millennials can’t take a starter job because you have to INTERACT with other people” No. Fuck you. I’ve worked as a planetarium host. I’ve worked as a public speaker. I’ve worked as a tutor and as a student teacher. I can work with people. I can work with crowds. Retail was fucking different. Retail was being treated as a subhuman. Retail was being treated so poorly that you have anxiety attacks before work. Having to work retail was a factor in my last suicide attempt. If I hear you say one fucking word about retail workers playing the victim I will personally break every bone in your body. Fuck You.

The holidays are coming up. Retail workers are going to be spiraling into a nightmare beyond human comprehension. If you’ve worked retail, you know this. If you haven’t, be aware of it. Please be kind to every retail worker you come across. Please be patient and understanding. It is misery out there.