twistedingenue:

awww-brain-no:

I’ve been trying to process a lot of things recently and I think I finally figured out what it is.

I always see these posts talking about imposter syndrome affecting confidence, productivity, and happiness but they never talk about how hard it makes it to process pain and suffering.

How it tells you you’re not allowed to grieve for someone because you didn’t know them well enough. Or that you’re not grieving enough because you didn’t love them enough. That you’re not really suffering, you’re just seeking attention. Or that being able to talk to others about it means you aren’t really suffering. It tells you that pain is all or nothing; that it should either consume you or not affect you at all. That if you’re able to continue on your trauma wasn’t that severe.

But it’s wrong. Your feelings are justified and true. It may take a while to recognize them and even longer to work through them, but you’re allowed to feel them and live with them in your own way.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

I’m dealing with all of these things RIGHT NOW.

lynati:

greater-than-the-sword:

autumnhobbit:

other great things about being a smart kid: anytime you ever struggle with anything your parent/teacher/authority figure’s reaction is an irritated “you’re smart! i know you can get this!”

YES. THANK YOU. THE ONLY REASON I’M NOT INSTANTANEOUSLY AN EXPERT IS THAT I WANT TO MAKE IT SPECIFICALLY HARDER ON YOU. AND MYSELF! I LOVE MUTUAL AGONY AND TORTURE. IT BRINGS ME JOY TO FRUSTRATE VENGEFUL ADULTS.

I was thinking about this recently because as glad as I am that I wasn’t put down, I don’t like this being the reaction every time I go for help.

“I’m struggling with this, help!”

“No it’s easy! Youre capable! You’re just not trying hard enough!” *doesnt help or give advice* *lets person take full consequences of subsequent failure or even punishes them for it*

Results in

a) believes asking for help is not acceptable and will just make other people resent you

b) interprets “you can do it” as an ultimatum, eg. “Failure will not be tolerated!”

c) on that note, difficulty accepting genuine encouragement because it feels like a threat

*circles “a”*

Things I never knew about depression until I finally had a doctor explain the disease to me

evilkillerpoptarts:

ravynfyre:

ruenesca:

the-scottish-costume-guy:

bobcatmoran:

lacommunarde:

robotcas:

aeroknot:

aeroknot:

yemme:

thedevils-playmate:

helly-watermelonsmellinfellon:

avalugg:

xianimoon:

academicfeminist:

Depression can manifest as irrational anger.

My complete and total inability to keep anything clean or tidy for any amount of time is a symptom of my depression. I may never be able to do this. It’s important that I remember that and forgive myself when I clean something out (like my car) and it ends up trashed within a week.

Depression IS A DISABILITY. Requiring accommodations is okay.

Medications don’t make you better, they don’t cure your depression. They serve as an aid. Their purpose is to help you get to everyone else’s minimal level of functioning.

Depression can cycle through periods of inactivity. This doesn’t mean it’s gone away.

The reason I don’t feel like other people understand me is because … well … other people DON’T understand me. They can’t. They don’t have my disability.

Paranoia is par for the course.

Depression can and will interfere with your physical mobility. Forgive yourself when you can’t physically do something.

It’s entirely possible that I may never be able to live by myself. I can’t take care of myself. I need help to do it. And that’s okay.

As someone who suffers from depression and who experiences all these things as well I think this is important and needs to be reblogged.
Depression is a very difficult thing, not only for people who suffer from it, but for everyone who knows a depressed person. My family doesn’t know how to deal with it, my friends try their very best to support me and I have tried to pretend I was fine until I was in ninth grade.

Everything makes so much more sense

Depression is a disease of the brain. The brain is an organ. When organs are not functioning properly, you are advised to see a doctor and get help. So why is it so hard to understand that the brain can suffer as well, and that we need help for it?

The brain controls the body. A sick brain means a sick body.

….
Shit.

Don’t disregard it as just sadness.  Depression is life threatening.

The day I rebuked someone for saying “depression is in your head” with the comeback “Yes. And there’s an organ in your head called the brain – or at least in MY head, sounds to me like you don’t have one at the present moment – and a brain is a physical component of the body, therefore depression is a Physical ailment”…

that day was the day I took my first step toward accepting it as a disability and forgiving myself for having to live with something so stigmatized

and;

when people attribute depression to being “all in your head,” what they’re really doing is connecting your illness to an expectation of sufferers being virtuous and having enough willpower, almost making it an issue of personal integrity, as if fostering and growing those is the only – or even the most effective – “cure,” and if you’re weak in those areas and not persevering hard enough, then it’s a moral failing

it’s not

I do all this and regularly forget it can be the depression and fall back into berating myself. Its good to remember

Also, you will be exhausted. You cannot work long hours no matter how much you’d like to because it will start pulling on your immune system and physical health a lot sooner than it does for other people. So stop comparing yourself to other people when it comes to how long you can work and start listening to how long it takes before you are exhausted. The added benefit of doing this is, when you find a medication that works, you will suddenly notice yourself getting more energy.

Depression is “all in your head” like hepatitis is “all in your liver.”

Its important to note that most bouts of major depression last no more than two years constant, if you have reoccuring depression it may not be major depression and idk that was a big thing for me to discover. I was always confused because other people I knew had gotten better and I just didnt… I had periods of being ok but at most a few months to a year then I was back to being depressed again. 

I’m just starting to come out of another major crash I think… I hope.

If you can and are comfortable, if you have reoccuring depression, or treatment resistant depression it is worth talking to your doctor about any concerns for how long its been lasting.

Note: – Im not saying if you’ve felt depressed for more than two years on the go you arent depressed, Im saying the type of depression it is may not be what you originally thought. Dysthymia is a form of long term low-level depression, that is often treatment resistant though not always.I suffer from Dysthymia with bouts of major depression.

I have beaten myself up over and over again to a very dangerous place because of the fact that I don’t have my own place. I had to move back in with my folks when things got so bad I ended up homeless. I suffer from G.AD. (generalized anxiety disorder), depression, and bipolar and I get scared and still do with the reality that I may never be able to live alone. How do you cope with that, especially if you might possibly be asexual and will may not have a partner or family member to help you out?

@evilkillerpoptarts anyone ever tell you that you are amazing?

@ravynfyre thank you. 

Depression is fucking exhausting.

It’s not a bad headspace day, exactly, and it’s certainly not a bad general pain day, but I’m beginning to suspect it’s either a low-grade headache day or a sensory not-yet-overload day. Because usually I can put on music or a documentary for background noise, and just hum along doing things, but today even the white noise is only tolerable because the random bits of people driving by with heavy bass is enough to make me want to break something.

*makes several rude gestures at the brain weasels, the weather, and the local tree population for good measure*

At least there was sun today, that was good. I managed to do things today, this is also good. I have not been on IM because I currently want to kill things, just to kill things. Also, brain decided to ruminate on why I hate the character Q in Star Trek so very damned much. (If I never have to see his smug, arrogant, pasty ass mediocre white fuck-boy face on my screen again, I will be a very happy Morgyn. Just. *lots of loud screaming* I am a little too cranky right now to manage to put it into a coherent narrative of Why Morgyn Thinks Q Is the Worst Idea Ever.)

And now, I am going to go get dinner and then go back to doing the thing I have been doing today because at least I can make progress on something.

How the hell do you ask someone to bring their cat in the next day for blood work, and then enter the appointment as being at the end of the month? Especially when the requirements for the appointment were within a week because that’s how soon the vet wanted the blood work, because it’s checking for little beasties eating her blood cells.

I mean, it’s good that you can accomodate that sort of mix up with technician appointments, but how the fuck do you screw it up like that in the first place?

(At least my brain had the courtesy to wait until I got home to tell me it was all my fault for screwing up something so simple. It lies, but at least it waited to lie until I was home and wouldn’t have a melt down in at the vet’s.)

cuzosu-blog
replied to your post “Mini Nano Day 14”

🙂 Enjoying the hell out of this crossover. Again or still or whichever word you want to use. 😛 Seriously, though, at least you made some progress here. Writing regularly is a PAIN until you’re well in the habit already. Good luck and I’m looking forward to reading more of this!

Thank you, I’m glad you’re enjoying it!

(I used to be in the habit, and then I was a little busy for several years trying to recover from a bad situation while not actually giving myself time and room to recover, and writing regularly stopped happening. Getting back into the habit is being difficult, but it’s worth it, because writing regularly is (a) good for my mental health and (b) a good indicator that I’m winning the argument with the brain weasels at the moment.)

Just as a heads up to people – I’m doing another pass through my follows this evening to unfollow people I’d missed in the last pass that I tend to mute and/or tend to end up with a bunch of blocked posts on my dashboard w/my blacklist.

This is not a value judgement of anyone, but doing things to cope with the anxiety brain weasel that’s been very, very loud since about April.

Edit: 111 to 83, and there are still probably another twenty or so that the guilt over unfollowing people is being louder than the need to reduce input to manageable levels at the moment. Both of which are anxiety brain weasel related. Which means there will be another run through the follows before the end of the year.

kittenwitchandthebadvibes:

I am struggling with
😭Depression
😨Anxiety
😠Anger
😟Grief
🤔Impulsive/intrusive thoughts
🤕Dysphoria
😕Maintaining control
🤗Relationships/family/friends
🤢Illness
😔Abusive situations
🙃Everyday life
😷 Maintaining self care
🤐 Something private
😤 Something else

and…

😺I just need you to know
🌹  I need a little kindness and consideration
🐾I need to be left alone for a bit, I will contact you when I’m ready
🐋I need company
🙊I DON’T want to talk about it
🗯I need to vent
❓ I need advice
👍 I need reassurance
💅I need a distraction
❤I need to feel appreciated
🦄I need to feel accepted
💌I need someone to check up on me
🎈 I need someone to ask me how I am
👂 I need someone to talk to me
💤I might not have the energy to communicate
💨I need someone to help me with physical tasks
✈I need to get out of the house
🛀I need to be somewhere comfortable
🐰I need someone positive
🕊I need someone sympathetic
🥑I need encouragement with taking care of myself

😭😨😠🤔🤕😷😤

and…

❤💌🎈💤👍