MILES O’BRIEN JOINS THE RANKS OF THE HALO SERIES. He has the distinguished honor of being the ds9 character I’ve loved the longest. as little me has loved him ever since he was the transporter tech on TNG. I found a ref pic with some really great lighting from Quark’s and I just love how the light turned out in this one.
Miles Edward O’Brien: Patron Saint of Overworked Engineers. Part of my Star Trek Halos series.
I wanted to make a list of things i do or used to do, of things i often blamed or hated myself for, got into trouble for or made me feel like a failure. hopefully it helps someone ❤
I know I must do the thing but I can’t do the thing – I never knew executive dysfunction was something/I had it, but it explains everything. I know people will get mad if I don’t do x, or I’ll have issues if I don’t do it, but I just can’t get up and do it. I always just thought I was lazy, but it’s entirely different.
Not going to classes. Partly because of exectuvie dysfunction, just not being able to go through the 20 steps to just even get out of the house no matter how much I know I need to. Partly because of all the things around me towards and on the train, to class, the mere thought of these was exhausting. I skipped a lot of classes feeling horrible, guilty, worthless,, stupid, you name it. This was a big issue for me and probably will still be once I go back, but now I at least know the reason why.
Getting too emotional. I cried all the time as a child. I still cry really easily. I can break down within a minute from being completely fine to an absolute mess. Negative attention is murder- RSD is a big issue. Thought I was just whiny and weak.
Not cleaning my room. It’s a mess, I hate the mess. I can clean some areas sometimes, and it’s been clean, like… months ago. I know I need to handle it. I just… don’t.
Stop hobbies, projects, things that I liked, just out of nowhere. Always felt guilty about letting go of stuff so fast.
Lying. “I watched that movie.” “I did the homework.” “I watched what you sent me.” Even if there was nothing negative happening if I was honest, I still couldn’t accept that I “simply didn’t do the thing”.
impulse. buying.
“why the fuck am i drained from energy all of a sudden, i feel like i’m gonna crash and literally any sound will destroy me rn”
talking too fast. this was the 1 and often only complaint I get at presentations.
oversharing, then hating myself for it.
“how the fuck am I bored with this already i was obsessed ten minutes ago.”
“i’m going to the store.” *three hours later*. “I think I’m ready- wait what was I buying again.”
losing my important stuff???? like always????? dk where anything is ever
as a kid I was always preached at because “you always want to be able to do everything right away and if you don’t you get frustrated and stop.” I never knew why this was until now.
my dad also always got mad because if we’d be looking at a site together I’d already click the button or do stuff before he got the chance to read and it pissed me off
hyperfocusing on either negative things like triggers or buying things that are extremely expensive so i end up feeling egoistic and self-centered.
“wait so you should actually feel like… more energy after you drank caffeine?”
*hugs you all* Because today is a day for hugs, and I’m going to run out of spoons if I go putting hugs in everyone’s ask box.
Feel free to reblog this to give a hug to every one of your followers.
*who is comfortable with being hugged. If you do not like hugs or are uncomfortable with physical contact, or even just prefer not a hug from someone not a mutual friend, cookies or other snacks suitable for your dietary needs and restrictions.
other great things about being a smart kid: anytime you ever struggle with anything your parent/teacher/authority figure’s reaction is an irritated “you’re smart! i know you can get this!”
YES. THANK YOU. THE ONLY REASON I’M NOT INSTANTANEOUSLY AN EXPERT IS THAT I WANT TO MAKE IT SPECIFICALLY HARDER ON YOU. AND MYSELF! I LOVE MUTUAL AGONY AND TORTURE. IT BRINGS ME JOY TO FRUSTRATE VENGEFUL ADULTS.
I was thinking about this recently because as glad as I am that I wasn’t put down, I don’t like this being the reaction every time I go for help.
“I’m struggling with this, help!”
“No it’s easy! Youre capable! You’re just not trying hard enough!” *doesnt help or give advice* *lets person take full consequences of subsequent failure or even punishes them for it*
Results in
a) believes asking for help is not acceptable and will just make other people resent you
b) interprets “you can do it” as an ultimatum, eg. “Failure will not be tolerated!”
c) on that note, difficulty accepting genuine encouragement because it feels like a threat
We all have our own sexy little forms of escapism. Mine is pretending to be a farmer/baker that is wildly popular and beloved. My friends is to live in a mountain area and raise goats. Its the little things
the tags on these are so good tag your escapist fantasies
I found a therapist that will see uninsured patients for $35 per session. Unfortunately, she can’t see me until next week and her name is a fucking trigger to my severe depression – so I’m not sure how well this is going to work out. Besides, what I need more than a counselor is a psychiatrist… but I have to try something before I end up dead or committed again.
I am trying very hard to be strong, but it’s so, so hard.
I have Henry. Halloween is coming and I am hoping to do fun, spooky stuff with @guljerry. My brother would be sad if something happened to me; he wants me to come live with him for awhile. Maybe if I do, we can finally write the musical we’ve been talking about doing our whole lives.
But I can’t eat. I feel sick all the time. I can’t sleep. When I do, I have terrible nightmares and I wake up every 20 minutes. I try not to think about this situation I’m in, but my mind gets on this, like, negative feedback loop that I can’t seem to shut off. Holding it together at work so that my employers don’t think I’m nuts is going to break me.
I don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills, let alone pay for therapy. So, if anyone wants to donate, I will draw you a monster. Or something. I guess that makes it more of a commission, which is good because I don’t like taking charity.
You are good at something, stop lying to yourself. You’re good at breaking down comic book plots, cooking ramen perfectly, making your friends happy, knowing the time without looking at a clock, getting the perfect ending at RPG’s, or figuring out the twist ending to movies. Don’t let society tell you your talents are meaningless because they don’t serve an economical purpose. Your talents reflect your interests and passions, and what’s important to you is important.
There's a Mirror on the Wall 