I love meeting and following Spoonies of all ages, but I haven’t seen many that are my age or older, and it would be nice to meet more Spoonies at similar life stages. 🙂
Moses: so this is our holy document
The people: what do you do with a holy document? we never had one of those before
Moses: idk use it I guess? Read it probably
The people: so you’re saying we should go through and find every place we disagree with it
Moses: what else would I be saying
Meaning of the letter “A” when appearing in LGBT[…]+ acronyms:
Asexual: 95.4% of respondents, 1936 total
Aromantic: 80.7% of respondents, 1639 total
Agender: 66.7% of respondents, 1353 total
Ally: 13.9% of respondents, 282 total.
I’m just posting this here for my aces and aros who are feeling down on themselves and defeated tonight. Remember that nine out of ten people support you and that the current loudest voices are not those of the majority.
“I go now to confront my worst enemy.” Darth Vex said, face taunt with unreleased tension. His hand curled loosely across his lightsaber in a gesture of self-comfort; Anakin stared, spoon practically dropping from his fist even as Shmi rested her forehead in her palm with a light groan.
“Really, Obi-Wan, must you?” The Butcher of Geonosis complained, an unexpectedly plaintive note in her voice. Anakin’s disbelieving gaze flickered between her mother and the curator of the Black Library; Vex ignored him, answering his line-aunt with a single stiff nod.
“Yes.” The Sith growled, fists clenching.
***
Shmi had pulled him aside after Darth Vex departed in an overly dramatic swirl of black robes, quietly suggesting that he might want to find some excuse – any excuse – to avoid the Jedi Temple for a few days. Just in case. Anakin had, accordingly, taken the first mission available and happily spend the following cycles enmeshed in Courscant’s black market district, tracing an antique ‘cultural artifact’ that a senator had reported as ‘missing’ earlier that week.
He might also have taken the opportunity to catch up on the status of the current illegal swoop-bike races. Just in case. One never knew what knowledge might come in handy later on.
As such, he was one of the lucky ones not to be present when Darth Vex, current curator of the Black Library and Archives, met face-to-face with Jedi Master, Joscasta Nu, current caretaker of the Jedi Archives.
Witnesses stated that they were extremely polite to one another.
I think this is easier for some people than for others. Compartmentalization can be learned, but some people also do it very naturally while others don’t. So it’s tough to offer advice on how to separate the personal life you have to live from your membership in a society that feels like it’s crumbling around us.
I was re-reading an old post I made recently which I think relates to this. I have a really tough time with sadness. Some people, most people, can process sadness and rebound – listen to a sad song and then be fine, watch a tragic movie and come out okay, have a good cry and feel cleansed – but often I have only two levels, “not sad” and “nothing but sad”. So I don’t read books or watch movies where the main character dies, I don’t read fic tagged “unhappy ending” or “major character death”, I don’t watch sad real life stories (much; depends on how well I feel like I can cope with it on any given day). Because unlike most people, it will still be affecting me days later, and that makes it tough to function.
There are a lot of coping mechanisms for the terrible news in the world around us. The one I favor is not watching the news. What news I get, I read, rather than watch, because I can control my consumption, I can stop and do something else for a little while, and I can look up counterpoints while I’m still on the original article. I have a deal with my parents that they, news junkies, don’t get to watch certain news stories while I’m home – if Trump is on the TV, for example, the deal is we mute it, and I tolerate the rest of the news that they’re constantly watching.
You can also look up inspirational stories, I’m pretty sure there are websites dedicated to happy news like people rescuing babies from riptides and such. Or you can resolve that every time you feel like you’re drowning in the horror, you do one thing to help fix the world, like calling your senator or scheduling to go to a protest or giving a dollar to a charity, and then you’re allowed to go back to your actual life.
Also, and I want you to really listen to this: “it’s hard to believe things will get better” is a huge flag to me because it’s something people with depression say A LOT. The struggle you’re dealing with doesn’t have to apply to you personally for it to be a personal problem. If you are having trouble functioning in your personal life because of the outside world, that can still be depression. So you should consider this, do a little self-examination, and maybe speak to a doctor or a therapist about how you’re feeling. They can help you sort out whether this is just “maybe I’m watching too much news” or whether you have a chemical imbalance going on in your brain.
It is a tough time we live in. So you are certainly not alone in struggling with this. But if you’re struggling this much, I hope you can find some ways to climb out of that a little, because I think the world is still worth hoping for.
One of this soldier’s biggest pet peeves is the way dog tags are portrayed in the media. In the media, they are always out. Always. In Kings, in Enlisted, in The Walking Dead, in GI Joes, in Transformers, in Cap 1, in The A-Team…in numerous movies and TV shows. the dog tags are always hanging out.
In real life, dog tags are always tucked in the shirt, worn to the skin, or worn in secondary positions (explained below). We even have a cadence for it:
Don’t let your dog tags dangle in the dirt. Pick up your dog tags, put them in your shirt.
Don’t let your dog tags dangle in the mud. Pick up your dog tags, give them to a bud.
Don’t let your dog tags dangle in the sand. Pick up your dog tags, put them in your hand.
For some reason, the media is obsessed with having soldiers wear their dogtags outside their shirt. Maybe their uniform top is off and they’re down to their undershirt, dogtags on top. Maybe they’re even wearing them outside their uniform top.
There are two reasons soldiers will never wear their dogtags anywhere but next to their flesh, or in the alternate position. The second reason relates to the first.
1. Dogtags are loud, and reflective. It is not tactically sound to wear light reflective materials in a combat situation. Because, duh. They reflect light. The enemy may not be able to see you, even in full moonlight, if you are camo’d up well. But they will damn well see a reflection of light, focused and glinting off a piece of metal. Also, dogtags are loud. Even with silencers, they tend to make schtick schtick noises if they’re allowed to slide freely outside the uniform on the ball chain. If there aren’t silencers, they clink against each other. In the dead of night, that sound can travel further than you would think.
2. Wearing your tags where people can see them is showy and offensive. It’s something civilians do, and soldiers hate it. There is a trend right now, for civilians to purchase dog tags and wear them as fashion accessories. Dog tags are not accessories. They are meant to identify our corpses if our faces are blown off. It’s showy to wear them outside the uniform because A. every soldier knows it’s unsound tactics and B. it’s an attention seeking maneuver. Good soldiers don’t draw attention to themselves in such a manner.
Not all military personnel wear their dogtags on their chest, btw. Many these days actually loop their chain around their back right belt loop, and tuck the actual tag portion into a buttoned back pocket, like one would a pocket watch. Another technique, especially down range, is the tradition of looping the toe tag (the shorter one) through a shoelace of a combat boot (usually the left one), then tucking the tag down into the laces. This trend is waning as DNA identification becomes more prevelant (new soldiers going through MEPS are required to offer up a DNA sample for record) but the practice is still seen in older troops. The logic behind this is that if your head is blown off and your neck tags are lost, you can be identified by your boot tag.
As you write your fanfics with military characters, and even more so, create fanart with military characters, please make a point to tuck their tags in. Show a hint of ballchain around the back of the neck if you want to show that your character is wearing dog tags (because the chain, like a bra strap, always shows a bit around the back of the neck.) The media has characters wear their tags outside the uniform because it treats its viewers as too stupid to understand when someone is military. You readers are not stupid. They know who they are reading. Tuck your dog tags.
@soldierplum to answer your question, read this. My ire is mostly at the media for inaccurate portrayal and civilians for using them as fashion statements. I have been in many a tops off, covers off working party with company level amounts of soldiers, and never have one of us had dogtags worn in any configuration outside of skin to inside of the shirt, for the above reasons.
I Was Always On Green Because My Mama Didn’t Play That Shit.
I got a Red for the first time ever cause I launched a basketball at this girls face 😭😭 it was an accident tho I swear lmao
This traumatized so many kids. I knew someone who had no memory of this until I said the phrase “go flip your card” and suddenly they remembered everything
I went from green straight to red because I gave my friend a piggyback ride for like five seconds
America are y’all okay..?
We had to move popsicle sticks into a green, yellow or red can.
I had to move mine to yellow once for “talking out of turn”.
Literally never spoke up in class again.
This is seriously some fucked up shit, jfc.
it’s funny, because it works as a very effective means of discipline/reinforcement. the concept is simple: instead of the teacher disrupting the whole class and stopping teaching to deal with one person stepping out of line and being, themselves, disruptive, they tell you to go turn your card. then they carry on with the lesson while you do it. kidspawn’s school calls it a point out system. you get three warnings, then you have to log into a book. it takes attention away from the mistake and discourages acting out for that attention.
done properly, it puts the choice in the student’s hands. you know the consequence for an infraction, and you choose whether or not that consequence is worth your action. in a perfect setting, it would only be for actual rules, you spend less time talking to school authority figures, and parents wouldn’t flip out about it unless there was a string of repeated red cards. you don’t double punish, after all.
the best way not to get a red card is not to get a yellow card. it really does benefit everyone in a classroom setting if implemented and respected by all who use it. i find it strange that people find this ‘fucked up’. it’s not corporal punishment, which IS fucked up, and it keeps infractions from taking away from instruction time, robbing other students of their education. loss of instruction time is in no one’s best interest.
and in every setting i’ve seen it used properly (both as a student and as a parent) it works exactly like it’s intended to.
I am a teacher working toward my Masters in education, and I spent my entire kindergarten education and third grade (the only two years I had to suffer through a classroom with one of these boards) entirely on red. The Flip Your Card classroom discipline system is in fact unimaginably fucked up.
At first I worked really really hard to try to keep my card on green, or at least on yellow, but no matter how hard I tried, by the end of the day, my mom was getting a phone call all about how I was a problem. I was regularly stripped of every single privilege my teacher conceivably could strip me of. My third grade teacher gave up on taking away my recess because she just didn’t want to have to deal with me for that extra time, every single day. And every single day, there was a bright red card telling everybody, telling all the other kids, telling my parents, and telling me that I was a problem.
Here’s the thing, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep my card off red, so it wasn’t this behavior or that behavior that felt like the problem. It just felt like I was the problem.
I did what many kids in that situation do. I gave up. From the outside, it must have looked like I didn’t care that my card was on red, but in reality, I had given up on trying to keep it off red, because nothing worked. It wasn’t apathy. It was hopelessness and despair. In kindergarten, I just checked out and ignored the board. I flat out told my teacher that she could turn my card from then on, because I wasn’t going to. But in third grade, I hit on something worse. Instead of simply pretending the board didn’t exist, I responded to the realization that I couldn’t win by changing the perimeters of what winning was to me. If I was trouble and a problem, I was going to show everybody just how much of a problem I could be. Instead of winning because I made my teacher happy, I won by making everything into a power struggle. Yeah sure, I got sent to the principal’s office and my mom was called, but I didn’t do that thing my teacher wanted me to. Score one for me. That year, I went from difficult to hell on wheels.
This is not actually uncommon, and there are some very good sociological and psychological reasons for why I reacted the way I did. One of the most basic sociological principles is that of labeling theory. This is the idea that people go through life collecting labels, and that these labels affect how we act and how we function in society. People by and large live up to or down to the labels we are given. We can see this in the criminal justice system, where the ways in which we label and treat people, especially juveniles, who commit crimes greatly affects whether or not they will commit a crime in the future, in other words the more someone is treated as a criminal, the more they will act in criminal ways. In a similar manner, being told that you are a bad kid, a troublemaker, a problem, whether outright or through a card system, is liable to convince you of this fact and reinforce that problem behavior. This is one reason why Flip Your Card systems often worsen behavior problems in children with existing difficulties with classroom behavior.
Another failure of the Flip Your Card system is that it has no room for incremental improvement and does not promote reteaching of behavior on the part of the teachers who use it. Most kids with behavior difficulties in the age range where Flip Your Card systems are used are really struggling on learning the rules of behavior and how they should be reacting in a given situation, or learning emotional self regulation. In my case, I had a siezure disorder that wasn’t diagnosed until I was mid-way through third grade, that aside from being misidentified as behavioral problems also prevented me from learning appropriate behavior by damaging my ability to form memories during the period when they were untreated. I also have ADHD, which I can’t treat with medication, because all of them cause me to have siezures. I needed extensive reteaching, and a teacher who was willing to work with me in the moment to help me find better solutions to the situation I was responding to with bad behavior.
Likewise, Flip Your Card systems do not recognize incremental progress. I have a student who just last week refused to come inside when it started thundering, because he wanted to stay outside and spend time talking to his little brother through the fence between the toddler and preschool playgrounds. This is normal for him. Separation from his brother causes him a lot of stress. But I was able to get him to come inside with a little persuasion and a kiss from his brother, and as soon as we were inside, he washed his hands and went to the cozy corner to calm himself down. This is progress. This is in fact the kind of progress that I told his mother about with pride at the end of the day. Once he was calm, I also talked with him about how he should be proud of himself for using some of the skills he was working on to calm himself, and what we could have done differently together outside. Under a Flip Your Card system, his behavior was the kind where he would be required to flip his card to yellow, his progress ignored. What I did instead was to construct a label for him of a student who is working hard on behavior, and affirm for him that I can see the progress and effort he has made. I also established us as partners in helping him reach behavioral and social emotional goals.
Another problem with things like the Flip Your Card system is that much like zero tolerance systems, or any system that are supposed to make things fairer by taking out teacher judgement is that they do not in fact take out teacher judgement. One of the big discussions right now in computing is that the way in which algorithms for job searches or hiring software, or worse algorithms for software used in the criminal justice system, are biased on racial and gender lines, both because of the algorithms themselves and because of the biased information fed into them. This is another example of that. A supposedly unbiased system that becomes very biased because of its nature and because of incorrect input. I already talked a little bit about how students with disabilities that affect their behavioral and social and emotional development are penalized by this system, but another factor is that disabled students, students of color, and especially disabled students of color, are much more likely to be asked to flip their card for behavior that would go unremarked upon for a white or non-disabled student. This is also true of so-called zero tolerance policies. This means that the toxic effects I outlined previously of labeling children as bad fall especially heavily on childen who are already especially vulnerable to being funneled into the school to prison pipeline.
Flip Your Card systems and other similar systems (and throughout this essay I talk about the Flip Your Card system, but Move Your Clip, Name on the Board, behavior charts, and all such similar systems are analogous) also do not promote student choice and autonomy as ouyangdan asserts. They are a classically behavioralist model of classroom management, one that functions on a system of reward and punishments. Reward and punishment systems increase student feelings of powerlessness and decrease their feelings of control. Giving a child a choice between a punishment and doing what you want them to is not giving them a real choice. It’s the same as a bully saying “give me your lunch money or I’ll beat you up, it’s your choice.” These behavioralist systems of classroom management also decrease students’ intrinsic motivation to behave, and replaces it with an extrinsic modivation. This can be seen in my case when my intrinsic modivation to try to behave for my teacher and my fellow students was overriden with the extrinsic modivation of the Flip Your Card board, which didn’t work because I gave up on avoiding the punishment. With my intrinsic motivation leached away and the extrinsic modivation proving ineffective… But this can also be seen in kids who behave well in class. Instead of learning the whys of good behavior and learning to regulate their emotions and reach consensus, and other skills of living in civil society, they learn that to be good is to be obedient and avoid punishment, to please the person In Charge. This is what happened with @thecityhorse higher up in this thread. They learned that speaking up in class brought pain, so they stopped, at a detriment to their education and their psyche.
So why are behavioralist approaches like the Flip Your Card chart so popular? One reason is that for most students they work in the short term very well. Humans like to avoid humilation and pain. This makes them convenient for teachers to implement, even if they cause other problems. Another reason is that they look fair to most adults even though they are not. Also it’s impossible to discount how thouroghly we as a society believe in certain ideas about a child’s place as obedient and subservient to adults, especially parents and teachers, and view enforcing this idea as a good in and of itself. Most people, even teachers, who absolutely should know better, and have in fact been learning better in teaching programs for decades, don’t step outside this paradigm. Behavioralist systems of reward and punishment reinforce this obedience.
Behavioralist approaches to classroom management are so normative that it can be hard to think about what the alternatives to them are, and when I talk to people about the alternatives to behavioralist methods, they express scepticism about the effectiveness of these methods. The biggest method I use is to get to the root of a behavior. Johnny screems during play, which causes Tommy to hit him. Tommy gets scared when Johnny screams in a way that seems aggressive, so we work on reading body language and what to do when we’re scared. Johnny screams because he gets wound up and overwhelmed playing chase, so we work on stopping and leaving the game before he gets that overwhelmed. I do a lot of teaching my students to recognize and name their own emotions, and recognize and name each other’s emotions, and think about what caused those emotions. I teach them ways to calm down, to get what they want and need in acceptable ways, and I build a relationship of mutual respect in which they want to do things for me and for their classmates because they care about us. This is that intrinsic motivation I talked about. And yes, many of the kids I work with have some pretty severe behavioral challenges. This was also the method that worked with me as a child. My fourth and fifth grade teachers both worked hard to develop relationships of trust and respect with me, and worked with me on processing my emotions and understanding the needs and feelings of others. This method really does work, and it promotes empathy, self-awareness, and moral self-reliance, which are important lifelong skills.